Michael Scott: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say, that's crazy. I say, "Let them eat cake." Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, come on. It's not real, Stanley. Don't have a heart attack.
Michael Scott: No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley!

CPR Trainer: All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him. Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute .
Michael Scott: Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Jim: How's that gonna help you?
Michael Scott: Well, I will divide and then count to it.

Dwight K. Schrute: It's very unusual for Michael not to show up to work. My guess? He's either deeply depressed, or an icicle has snapped off his roof and impaled his brain. He has this terrible habit of standing directly underneath them and staring up at them. And I always say, "Michael, take two steps back, and stare at the icicle from the side." And he's like, "No, I like the way they look from standing directly underneath them."