Michael Scott: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say, that's crazy. I say, "Let them eat cake." Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Michael Scott: Why did I do it? I don't know. Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary. But she already brought the diary with her to New York. So... You expect to get screwed by your company. But you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.

Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.

Mr. Schneider: Can you go back to where this digression began?
Stenographer: "Mr. Schneider: 'And you were directly under her the entire time?' Mr. Scott: 'That's what she said.'"
Michael Scott: Well... Delivery's all wrong. She's butchering it.