TV Quotes

Michael Scott: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say, that's crazy. I say, "Let them eat cake." Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Dwight K. Schrute: I don't care what Jim says. That is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.

Michael Scott: Hello, everyone. As you know, we are six days away from Phyllis' wedding. So get your suits to the dry cleaners and get your hair did. And Karen, you might wanna invest in a dress or a skirt of some kind if you don't already have one. This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. It's my job to insure that none of you look like ragamuffins. So I am instituting prima nocta.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Prima nocta, I believe, from the movie Braveheart and confirmed on Wikipedia, is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night. So...
[later:]
Michael Scott: I'm sorry, I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant.

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Michael Scott: I declare bankruptcy!