Creed: In the parking lot today there was a circus. The copier did tricks on the high-wire, a lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator; a strong man crushed a turtle. I laughed and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company.

Angela: Well, I need to give my cat up for adoption.
Kevin: The one who uses the doorbell, or the one with the Mexican hat, or the one with the rain galoshes, or the one you let go around naked?
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: Angela's cats are cute. So cute that you just want to eat them. But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats, Kevin.

Kevin: Oh, what a summer! An emotional roller-coaster. I ran over a turtle in the parking lot, but then I saved him by gluing his shell back together. But I'm not that good at puzzles. So I patched him with stuff from around the office. But I couldn't get the pieces to fit right. Then, one day, when I was reaching for the glue, I crushed his shell again. But I rebuilt him even better that time. But it turned out the turtle was already dead. Probably when I ran over him the first time.