Michael Scott: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say, that's crazy. I say, "Let them eat cake." Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Michael Scott: We at Sabre have betrayed the trust that we have built with our customers. We regret our slow response and our lapse in candor and judgment. At this time, we are issuing a full recall of all Sabre GH400 printers. We will not rest until this problem is solved. There will be no questions. Are there any questions?

Ryan: Wuphf is a site that I'm launching to be the last word in social networking. For just $12.99 a month, Wuphf links up all your communication portals so you are always within reach. It's part of the dog pack, as I call it. But, look, why tell you when I can show you. [types on his phone] I just sent myself a Wuphf. [fax machine starts printing, windows pop up on Ryan's computer with "woof" sounds]
Erin: [on phone] Ryan, you have a Wuphf on line 1.
Ryan: Thank you, Erin. Wuphf!

Jo: When Mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing, she'd ask one question: What do we do when we find the guilty party? And if they said, "Come down on him with that swift hammer of justice!", innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said "Officer Bessie, well they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah", well nine times out of ten, that's the anus they'd check.