Dwight K. Schrute: For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it to find himself... in jail!

Michael Scott: If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block and once you sat on her lap and she'd ask you what you wanted, you would say, probably, "freedom." At which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.

Michael Scott: Dwight, come here. Here's my debit card, I want you to go pick up a bunch of pizzas and meet me in the conference room.
Dwight K. Schrute: What's your pin number?
Michael Scott: I don't want to say. But, "it's fun to stay at the..." "It's fun to stay at the..."
Dwight K. Schrute: Where? Holiday Inn? I don't...
Michael Scott: [hums Y.M.C.A. song]