Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa, and I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else? This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day at work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam: Yeah. "Enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your desk-mate Dwight."
Jim: And that's when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, "This might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired."
Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
Pam: Yep.
Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Pam: Nope.

Pam: Okay. All of these things are important to remember, but the most important thing is that no one say anything about my pregnancy at the wedding.
Jim: Absolutely. 'Cause not everyone knows and some people might be offended.
Angela: Decent people everywhere will be offended.
Pam: Well, we're thinking of my grandmother who we haven't told and is very old-fashioned.
Angela: Well, you're lucky you have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmothers.

Michael Scott: [talking to an attractive woman] Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up. I bawl the entire time. I can not watch Pixar.

Kevin: I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night to be cleaned and polished, but they haven't been returned yet.
Front Desk Clerk: You must be Mr. Malone. One moment please.
Kevin: Thank you.
Front Desk Clerk: [whispers to manager] Sir, it's the man with the shoes.
Hotel Manager: Mr. Malone, your shoes are gone.
Kevin: They were stolen?
Hotel Manager: No, destroyed.
Kevin: What?
Hotel Manager: When the bag was opened by our shoe shine, the smell overcame him. I too smelled them and made the choice that they must be thrown away. Incinerated actually.
Kevin: But that was my only pair of shoes.
Hotel Manager: It became a safety issue, sir.
Kevin: Well... Well, damn it.
Front Desk Clerk: I can offer you a complimentary breakfast.
Kevin: Okay.