Jim: So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa, and I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also gonna stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else? This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day at work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam: Yeah. "Enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your desk-mate Dwight."
Jim: And that's when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, "This might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired."
Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
Pam: Yep.
Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Pam: Nope.

Dwight K. Schrute: Having trouble finding a vein?
Nurse: Yup, a little.
Dwight K. Schrute: How about now?
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: I've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.

Phone Salesman: Hi.
Pam: Good morning, can I help you?
Phone Salesman: Yes, I'm from Techstar about a new phone system for you. I was wondering if I could talk to Michael Scott.
Pam: I'm sorry, he's not in right now.
Phone Salesman: Really? He's never around when I come by.
Pam: Shoot.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95% of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. ... Vending machine.

Michael Scott: These people need love and I am going to get it for them. Who cares if we sell a little bit less paper today? A great boss cares more about the happiness of his employees then anything else. I am going to be Cupid, and I am going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims, and they are going to get hit and say, "Ah! I'm in love. I was hit by cupid's sparrow." Funny little bird, but he gets the job done.