Dwight K. Schrute: What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come, and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son, he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Jim: Today's a big day. Today's the day that I show Pam the house that I bought for us. Without telling her. But it's my parents' house, the house I grew up in. And yeah, I bought it kind of impulsively. I mean, the price was good and I was helping out my mom. It's got shag carpets. I mean, you can't blame my parents, it was the '70s. And why would you wanna buy ugly wood from trees when you can have paneling and a painting of some creepy clowns that is apparently crucial to the integrity of the building? She's gonna love it. Right?

Michael Scott: I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, but that is like trying to be friends with an evil snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Scream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy, and then the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. Learned a lot of lessons from that movie. This is just one of them.