Michael Scott Quote #1365
Quote from Michael Scott in Stress Relief
Michael Scott: I, um, I spent the afternoon in the park trying to feed the pigeons. I guess they all flew west for the winter. And I, I just had some thoughts that I wanted to share with you people.
Pam: What?
Michael Scott: Well, I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. [clears throat] Jim, you're 6'11 and you weigh 90 pounds, Gumby has a better body than you. Boom! Roasted! Dwight, you're a kiss ass. Boom! Roasted! Pam, you failed art school. Boom! Roasted! Meredith, you've slept with so many guys you're starting to look like one. Boom! Roasted! Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Boom! Roasted! Creed, you're teeth called, your breath stinks. Boom! Roasted! Angela, where's Angela? [Angela raises her hand] Whoa, there you are. I didn't see you there behind that grain of rice. Boom! Roasted! Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom! Roasted! Oscar, you are... [Stanley is laughing, Michael joins in] Oscar, you're gay.
Oscar: Wow.
Michael Scott: Andy, Cornell called. They think you suck. And you're gayer than Oscar. Boom! Roasted! [Stanley is still laughing] All right. All right, everybody. You know I kid. You know I kid. You guys are the reason that I went into the paper business. So, uh, goodnight, God bless, God bless America, and get home safe.
Features in the collection: Michael Scott: The Misquotes.
The Office Quotes
‘Michael Scott: The Misquotes’
Quote from Michael Scott in Phyllis' Wedding
Michael Scott: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say, that's crazy. I say, "Let them eat cake." Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.
Quote from Michael Scott in The Negotiation
Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
‘Stress Relief’ Quotes
Quote from Michael Scott
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, come on. It's not real, Stanley. Don't have a heart attack.
Michael Scott: No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley!
Quote from Michael Scott
CPR Trainer: All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him. Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute .
Michael Scott: Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
Jim: How's that gonna help you?
Michael Scott: Well, I will divide and then count to it.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: It's very unusual for Michael not to show up to work. My guess? He's either deeply depressed, or an icicle has snapped off his roof and impaled his brain. He has this terrible habit of standing directly underneath them and staring up at them. And I always say, "Michael, take two steps back, and stare at the icicle from the side." And he's like, "No, I like the way they look from standing directly underneath them."