Jim Quote #5
Quote from Jim in Health Care
Dwight K. Schrute: Damn it. Damn it. All right, who did this? I'm not mad. I just want to know who did it so I can punish them.
Jim: What are you talking about?
Dwight K. Schrute: Someone forged medical information and that is a felony.
Jim: Okay, whoa. All right, because that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're faking?
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh, leprosy? Flesh-eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection. You did this, didn't you?
Jim: Absolutely not.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, you did. I know it was you.
Jim: No, I didn't.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know it was you. Okay, fine. I'll have to interview each and every one of you until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. And until that time, there will be no health care coverage for anyone.
The Office Quotes
‘Health Care’ Quotes
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute: What did I do? I did my job. I slashed benefits to the bone. I saved this company money. Was I too harsh? Maybe. I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Jim: Well, why did you do that? You work here. Don't you want good insurance?
Dwight K. Schrute: Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system.
Jim: Okay, well, if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies.
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute. And superior brainpower. Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you raise your cholesterol?
Dwight K. Schrute: So I can lower it.
Quote from Pam
Jim: Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. All right? 'cause I'm suffering from both.
Pam: I'm inventing new diseases.
Jim: Oh, great.
Pam: So, like, let's say my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim: I thought you said you were inventing diseases. That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam: Nice.
Jim: Thank you.