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Season 9, Episode 18 - Aired April 4, 2013

The staff at Dunder Mifflin freak out as the first promos for the documentary series are released. Meanwhile, Dwight considers going halfsies on a tractor with his girlfriend's father.

Quote from Angela

Angela: [as loud music plays to drown out their voices] Alright, how much have you revealed on camera about your relationship with the senator?
Oscar: They caught us kissing on Halloween.
Angela: Oh! He was dressed like Ronald Reagan! [slaps Oscar]
Oscar: Oh!
Angela: God!
Oscar: Angela! Well he kissed like Jack Kennedy!
Angela: Oh! [slaps him again] Stop it! Stop kissing him! Someone needs to call and warn him. This could ruin his career.
Oscar: Well, I don't like giving him bad news.
Angela: Call him!
Oscar: You call him!
Angela: Call him! [hits Oscar]
Oscar: Stop hitting me!
Angela: Call him! Call him!
Oscar: No!


Quote from Pam

Pam: Well, the promo for the documentary aired today.
Brian: Oh yeah, that's right.
Pam: Yeah. It's kinda crazy.
Brian: Yeah, it is.
Pam: See all this like old stuff, like um, there's that shot of Jim and I up on the roof?
Brian: Oh yeah, that was, that was a good moment.
Pam: Yeah, wasn't that neat?
Brian: Yeah, it was cool.
Pam: Yeah, and there's this one when we were listening to music and it's like, it's like we were in love and we didn't even know we were in love and it's... But, do you think Jim's changed?
Brian: Um...
Pam: I'm sorry. Did that- That was out of the blue-
Brian: No no, it's-
Pam: I just mean because you know us and you like observed us for ten years and I feel like he's- I just feel like he's so into his work right now and, I don't know, am I crazy?
Brian: No, you're not crazy.
Pam: Well, I wish that made me feel better.

Quote from Pam

Pam: Listen, so everybody saw the promos and they're kinda freaking out. [Brian laughs] 'cause it seems like you got a lot of private stuff on camera-
Brian: Yeah.
Pam: You know, stuff people didn't intend for everyone to see. And they kinda want to know how much.
Brian: They want to know how much what?
Pam: How much stuff you got.
Brian: Pretty much everything.
Pam: Well yeah, but what if we turn off our mike packs?
Brian: They've got parabolic mikes, they can pick you up a hundred yards away, if you were around there, they got you.
Pam: So we basically had no privacy for ten years.
Brian: That's not really true, I mean...
Pam: Um... Yeah, I gotta- I gotta go.
Brian: Oh no, hang on a second. Pam, I'm sorry, I- I- I can explain this so much better.
Pam: No, I think you explained it.
Brian: Look, if you give me a chance I can, I- [Pam leaves] Pam.

Quote from Jim

Jim: "Together we will win this baseball game against the evil space Yankees. Eat Fresh."
Ryan Howard: That'll pay for the exploding helicopter.
Jim: Smart.
Ryan Howard: "Suddenly, the evil thugs break in to the stadium. The Big Piece hits baseballs at the evil thugs."
Jim: "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks."
Ryan Howard: Come on man, sell it!
Darryl: Yeah, Jim.
Jim: [louder] "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks!"
Ryan Howard: Yeah, that's better. A bunch of hot women go: "Oh, yeah!"
Jim: "Megan, I was too shy to tell you this when I was just a normal professional baseball player, but I love you."
Ryan Howard: "They kiss. It is super emotional. Like in Toy Story."
Jim: Wow. I tell you what, it's really strong. I can't wait to read the rest of it later and see how it ends.
Darryl: It's so strong.
Ryan Howard: Keep reading then.
Jim: "Gotta go! Darth Vader's launching a huge attack."
Ryan Howard: Um, another thing. I'm gonna need you to get me the rights to Darth Vader.
Jim: I don't know how we'd go about doing that.
Darryl: We can look into it.
Jim: We'll look into it.
Ryan Howard: We need Darth.
Jim: We gotta get him.
Darryl: We'll go after Darth then.
Jim: We're gonna go get him.
Darryl: That's what we gotta do.
Jim: We're gonna get him.

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute

Esther: Dwight, we need to talk.
Dwight K. Schrute: I don't know that there's anything left for us to talk about, Esther.
Esther: Look, we're gonna have the tractor for the same amount of work days but my dad is planning on leasing it to the Vanderkirk brothers on the weekends.
Dwight K. Schrute: No.
Esther: So you're going to be paying more, but he's putting on ten times the miles and he's pocketing a profit behind your back.
Dwight K. Schrute: That snake!
Esther: You need to tell him you want a deal based on miles or he can just stick that tractor where the sun don't shine.
Dwight K. Schrute: That shady grove out by Willard's pond.
Esther: Mmm-hm.
Dwight K. Schrute: So, you're fine with me not leasing the tractor? I mean, our courtship can proceed?
Esther: Of course. [laughs] You didn't just think I was tractor bait, did you?
Dwight K. Schrute: [laughs] No!
Clark: Hey Dwight, what's an auger used for?
Dwight K. Schrute: Post hole digging. [points and laughs with Esther]
Esther: Stupid.

Quote from Angela

Senator: [on speaker phone] You've reached Senator Robert Lipton, please leave a message. [beep]
Angela & Oscar: Hi, honey!
Oscar: Oh you?
Angela: No, you go. Hi, honey!
Oscar: Hey. Hey, Robert!
Angela: It's Angela and Oscar.
Oscar: Hey.
Angela: Just a few quick things.
Oscar: Um, the documentary's going to be airing soon, and, and you look great in the promos.
Angela: Oh you look so handsome! Very presidential.
Oscar: Very much so.
Angela: Yeah.
Oscar: Absolutely.
Angela: Yeah!
Oscar: Hey, I get the sense you're gonna be outed as gay.
Angela: Yes. And I cheated on you with Dwight. It looks like they got it on film. I didn't tell you about it.
Oscar: I think that's it!
Angela: I think we're good.
Oscar: Done!
Angela: Bye!
Oscar: Okay.
Angela: Love you! [Oscar hangs up] God.

Quote from Nellie

Andy: [on video camera] Hey! TexasPoonTappa and JasonJasonJason and all the rest of you haters out there! Check this out. [plays banjo; screen types out "you suck my nutz" from TexasPoonTappa, camera zooms out to reveal Nellie]
Nellie: Good night, Andy.
Andy: Huh? Yeah, see ya. [sees comment] Oh! What?! [starts crying]

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