Andy: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: Phyllis is masturbating in the office right now as we speak.
Angela: Can we skip the color commentary and just have Andy go out there and fire her?
Toby: He- He can't do that. Turns out she's allowed to have feelings of sexual arousal. It doesn't become a violation until she physically acts on it.
Group: Oh, no!
Oscar: Toby, how do you propose that we-
Andy:Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Why is Phyllis so aroused?
Pam: She's listening to 50 Shades of Grey.
Andy: Well there you go. That's muy caliente.

Kevin: What's going on? Oh, did Gangnam Style put out a new song?

Oscar: There's a promo for the new documentary on the web.
Phyllis: Play it again.
Narrator: [on video] The boss. The workers. The lives. The loves. The people. The paper. The Office: An American Workplace. Coming soon on WVIA.
Kevin: Whoa. You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.

Andy: Guys, are you reading the online comments? Somebody commented on my banjo playing. "Banjo at 0:19 is aight" Internet, calm down! I must be really connected with this guy. I mean that's the guy's name, right? ChobbleGobbler?

Erin: Hey, Dwight, you have some guests. I think they're from the forest where we harvest our paper.

Angela: What about me? "Klokken tre pige"
Oscar: "Three PM Girl".
Angela: What? Why would they... Wait a second! Wait a second! What was that? [pauses on her and Dwight leaving the warehouse area where they've just had sex] Oh! I didn't know they were filming then!
Oscar: It looks like the camera man was hiding behind the shelves.
Phyllis: Wait. So they were filming all the time? Even when we didn't know it?
Angela: Oh my god. [All look at camera horrified]

Erin: Oh my god. Do they film us at night when we're sleeping?
Oscar: Yes, Erin. They film us at night when we're sleeping. Cause that makes great TV!
Erin: Hey.
Angela: Oscar.
Oscar: I'm sorry sweetie. This whole thing is just freaking me out.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: I have been very honest with you guys. In a way that could seriously impact the political career of a very good friend of mine. You're not going to use any of that, are you?

Stanley: [on the phone] Hello, honey? I just spoke to the TV repair man and he says we need to keep our TVs turned off for a couple of months. Something about the wiring.

Dwight K. Schrute: Maybe you're right. Esther's a ten and the best I've ever done is Angela who's a nine and she rejected me.
Clark: A Scranton nine, but, yeah, point taken. Hey, let's go out tonight and just score a couple fours, huh? I mean there are no games with fours.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who needs a new tractor anyway? Maybe we're the kinda guys who end up with a tractor that's already been rode hard and put away muddy.
Clark: Screw new tractors. Guys like us, we gotta plant our seed a different way.
Dwight K. Schrute: By hand. [Clarks looks to camera]

Clark: Oh my god, is that you and Jim?
Pam: Uh huh.
Clark: Jeez, you fell in love with that hair? Really? [laughs] Yikes. That is awful.
Pam: It wasn't so bad.