Jim: You know, I just wish I wish I had the investigative powers to actually smoke some of these guys out, you know?
Dwight K. Schrute: Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift.

Kelly: Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.
Meredith: I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.
Kelly: I know, but there was an emergency. [aside to camera:] I look really good in white.

Michael Scott: Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now, the wedding has no highlight. I can't believe I pushed that guy's lazy ass around all day until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's- Well, I've got news for you, Elbert, if that's your real name, the show's not over.

Dwight K. Schrute: Best of luck, Phyllis. Also, I'm gonna need to see a copy of the guest manifest as well as photographs of the caterers.
Phyllis: I don't have that, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Damn it, Phyllis!

Dwight K. Schrute: Excuse me, sir, how do you know the happy couple?
Guy: Who?
Dwight K. Schrute: The bride and groom. What are their names?
Guy: Uh, I- Ah- Um- I don't- I'm not sure-
Dwight K. Schrute: I get it. I get it. Come on, freeloader. Let's move it. Come on. Come on. Okay, okay.
Guy: Where are we going?
Dwight K. Schrute: You've got to find yourself another wedding to crash, my friend.

Kevin: Uh, attention, everyone. Attention, please. I'm supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It's a very serious situation. [counts off, sings:] Roxanne! You don't have to put on your red light!

Roy: Hey! They're playing our song, huh?
Pam: Yeah, that's weird. I thought they only played The Police.
Roy: I know. I I gave them 20 bucks. You wanna dance?

Michael Scott: I just want Phyllis to have a great day.
Uncle Al: Phyllis and you will be great together.
Michael Scott: We are great together. We are a great team.
Uncle Al: The Celtics were a great team.
Michael Scott: Yes. Yes, they were. Robert Parish- I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon.
Uncle Al: Well, nobody ever helped me. I had to do it myself. Even the doctor didn't know.
Michael Scott: Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for a half an hour even though most of that stuff went right over my head.

Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Pam: What do you mean?
Kelly: Well, this is supposed to be your wedding.
Pam: Oh! No, that's actually fine.
Kelly: There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just, like, freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.

Officiant: And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Phyllis: I do.
Michael Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, for the first time as a couple, Mr. And Mrs. Bob Vance!
[silence]
Officiant: And do you, Bob, take Phyllis to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Bob Vance: I do.
Officiant: You may now kiss the bride.
Michael Scott: Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time as a couple, Mr. And Mrs. Bob Vance! [crowd applauds] That's what I'm talking about!