Dwight K. Schrute: I offered myself to Angela and she turned me down. If she changes her mind, the next move is hers. I'm with Esther now. She's younger than Angela, sturdier, more comfortable with the scent of a manured field. Let's be honest. When it came to manured fields, Angela was at best indifferent.

Carla: Are you in that paper documentary too?
Darryl: Yep.
Carla: You need an agent?
Andy: No! He's- I mean, you've never acted in anything before. He's just my entourage.
Darryl: I was in The Whiz in high school.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, Esther.
Esther: Hey.
Dwight K. Schrute: What are you- [Esther kisses him] You're here early.
Esther: Yeah, I plucked the chickens extra fast 'cause I knew I was seeing you tonight. There might just be a little feather in your nuggets or a little bit of meat inside of your pillow.
Dwight K. Schrute: I like a little feather in my nuggets.

Director: So what you're gonna do then is come over here to the eye washing station and then just kinda flush out your eyes. You know, get the chemicals out. Alright?
Andy: So I just lean over this thing and then you'll add the water special effect later?
Director: What water special effect?
Producer: Yeah, yeah just hold your lids open with one hand and let the stream bathe your eyeballs.
Andy: I'm not comfortable doing my own stunts. I'll get nude if you want me to, I'll go full Lena Dunham but I-
Director: Dude, we don't need you to go nude, okay? So just do the eyewash thing, okay? That's all we're asking you.

Creed: Two grand huh? I know a guy who can turn that into eight hundred dollars. And it's me.

Erin: Yeah! Oh! Eat it piggy! Eat it! Oink oink oink oink!
Clark: We've still gotta work together, so we should keep it civil.
Erin: [snorting, grunting] I can't hear what you said. [snorting, grunting] You got your slop? [Squeals]

Nellie: Okay, next up we have two creatures great and small: Kevin versus Angela.

Erin: Oh. Hey, champions.
Toby: Good morning.
Clark: Quarter finals in an hour. Hope you got some sleep 'cause I am going to be haunting your nightmares tonight.
Erin: I did. I got some really good sleep.
Clark: Did you? [pushes pencil cup at Erin]
Erin: [grabs pencils out of cup quickly as cup falls] Bzzz.

Toby: Andy?
Andy: Go away, we're running lines.
Toby: You wanted to see the gooey eye.
Andy: Oh, yeah. Alright, get over here. I am so freaked out by things going into eyes. I just- Wow! [lifts Toby's eye patch] Ugh! I can't even, I'm so freaked out by that, just go. Go, go, go, go, go.
Toby: Alright, it's getting gooier so we'll just do it later.

Jim: Hey. I just wanted to say that you woke up early with the kids and let me sleep and I really appreciate that.
Pam: Thank you. I appreciate that you appreciate that.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: So, we had couple's therapy.
Jim: No shame in that. Get it all out in the open.
Pam: And we have homework.
Jim: Yes, we are supposed to look for every chance to acknowledge and appreciate each other's sacrifices. Because I need to appreciate what Pam's been doing to run the house while I'm in Philly.
Pam: And we're also supposed to speak our truths.
Jim: Mmm-hm.
Pam: Because if I had spoken my truth sooner about not wanting to move to Philly, then maybe we wouldn't have had this opportunity for couple's therapy.
Jim: Oh, we're supposed to call everything we don't want to do "opportunities."