Pam: Hey.
Jim: Hey.
Pam: Helen Mirren. Hot?
Jim: Yeah. Super pretty.
Pam: Huh. What about Cathy?
Jim: The temp?
Pam: Yeah. Do you think she's hot?
Jim: Nope.
Pam: I'm not asking if you're in to her. Just, objectively, do you find her attractive?
Jim: And I'm telling you, I don't.
Pam: You don't find Cathy attractive?
Jim: No, I don't.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: No, I'm not going to tell my nine-months-pregnant wife that I find her replacement objectively attractive. Just like I'm not going to tell my two-year-old daughter that violent video games are objectively more fun. It's true, but it doesn't help anybody.

Robert: I miss being in a band.
Andy: Miss no more! What do you play? Join us!
Kevin: I have a tambourine.
Robert: Tambourine? You know I'm the CEO, right?
Andy: [to Kevin] CEOs don't play tambourines. Tambourines are for girlfriends.

Dwight K. Schrute: Andy, I'm really sorry about your mother. My deepest condolences.
Client: Oh, you must take this call. It's...
Andy: Yeah. Um line 1?
Erin: Line 2.
Andy: Hi.
Darryl: [on the phone] It's Darryl. Erin told me to pretend to be a cop and say your mom died.
Andy: [emotional] Ooh, gosh!
Darryl: Dude.
Andy: Thank you, officer.
Darryl: Look man, this is a bad idea.
Andy: Did she have any last words or?
Darryl: Really? That is messed up, man.
Andy: I'll make sure that your client gets the best deal possible.
Darryl: You're a bad man, Andy Bernard.
Andy: That is so mom.
Darryl: That stuff can come back to get you. It's called karma. You do not want to be messing around. I got an uncle...
Andy: Alright, thank you officer. [hangs up] Erin, please hold all my other calls. Where were we?

Pam: I'm training a temp to be my replacement while I'm on maternity leave. Oh, I should've mentioned I'm pregnant. You probably didn't notice because it's impossible to tell I'm so small. But yeah I'm pregnant. [chair squeaks] Oh come on!

Andy: Hey, Robert, are we meeting early?
Robert: Just taking a stroll. What exactly have I stumbled upon here?
Andy: Well, we're all musicians and we play together sometimes.
Robert: You're a band?
Andy: Thank you.
Kevin: We're called Kevin and the Zits.
Darryl: That was never agreed upon.

Andy: I had totally given up on hanging out with Robert California and now he wants to be in our band! And when you're in a rock and roll band with somebody, you're bonded for life!
Darryl: Usually that life is short and tragic. That's okay, right?
Andy: Yeah, even cooler.
Kevin: We all got to go sometime.

Kelly: [sees photo of Mike Tibbets] Eww!
Pam: Kelly, calm down.
Kelly: I mean, I guess he'd be okay with hair. Okay, you should see if he'll get hair plugs.
Pam: I don't think Jim cares about his hair.
Kelly: Yeah, but I do Pam, okay? It's called being a nice person.

Dwight K. Schrute: I don't see what's so ugly about him. He's got the broad face of a brewer.

Dwight K. Schrute: Well, Jim may be lying with his words, but he can't lie with his body.
Kelly: I'm gonna write something mean on his wall.
Pam: No, Kelly, don't.
Dwight K. Schrute: The male reveals attraction through unconscious and involuntary physical signs. The puffing of the chest, mirroring, increased blood flow to the crotch. I say we start there.
Pam and Kelly: With the crotch?
Dwight K. Schrute: With the crotch.

Pam: Is he puffing out his chest?
Dwight K. Schrute: I can't tell. It's unnaturally sunken. [Jim says something and Cathy laughs] Busted. He just was mirroring. Did you see that?
Pam: No. Maybe he just said something funny.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim has no discernible sense of humor, Pam. You should know that.