Oscar: Yesterday, Angela may or may not have figured out [glances behind] that I'm having an affair with her husband. So I just have to wait and see. When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual.

Oscar: You take something ordinary, like a piece of paper. It's not much. But if you see it in the right way... And that's what you did with this documentary. But seriously, you made a nine-year documentary and you couldn't once show me doing my origami.

Phyllis: He's always been terrible with money.
Stanley: I bet it's Jan spending him straight to the poorhouse.
Kevin: Yeah, women be shoppin'.
Meredith: I can't believe he has a second job.
Oscar: He's not even good at his first one.

Oscar: When I was younger, I always wanted to be an actor in commercials, then I realized I had a brain.

[Andy, Angela, Phyllis, Ryan and Kelly watch a video on Oscar's computer of the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street]
Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair. Have you seen them? Wait I'm sitting on them. [all laugh]
Andy: This is awesome!
Oscar: Thank you. It didn't even take that long.
Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] What's the difference between a chimichanga, a chalupa, and a tostada? Call me back ASAP. It's urgent.
Kevin: This isn't funny. I don't talk like that.
Phyllis: Say "Me eat cookie."
Kevin: No. I won't say it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why is everyone clumped around accounting? Break it up, you clique.
Ryan: It's Kevin as Cookie Monster from Sesame Street.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio?
Phyllis: Mm-hmm.
Dwight K. Schrute: I love that show.
Cookie Monster: [Kevin's voice] This is Kevin. This is Kevin.
Ryan: Good work, buddy.
Oscar: Thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: That is an amusing link. I'd like it sent to me, please.
Oscar: Yes.
Kelly: Me, too Oscar.
Ryan: C.C. me.
Kevin: Angela, this is inappropriate.
Angela: This is my favorite day.

Oscar: If either of these guys are put in charge of the office, I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kind of looking for a way out of that relationship, anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see.

Oscar: Look, it doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?

Pam: Hey, Oscar, big Will and Grace fan huh?
Oscar: No. Everybody assumes I am. I always get them as gifts.
Pam: Oh.

Angela: So is your place all bachelor-slobby and gross?
Oscar: No, it's neat and tastefully appointed, like most gay men's homes. The stereotype holds up.

Oscar: I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I'll have one of my own someday. But I dream. So...