Andy: That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael.
Michael Scott: He's not the worst, okay? He's not the worst. You know who's the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy-remember? Eeeh! That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though. [starts drinking coffee] Ah! It's not cappuccino.
Oscar: He messed yours up, too.
Darryl: He's got to go, Mike.
Michael Scott: It's just coffee, guys! But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay?

Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, what's so funny over here? Ha. Very nice. Give me my keys. [removes keys and throws them at Jim] Ha. Ha. Not. Funny. Jim.
Pam: Sorry.
Jim: Oh, no. Don't worry about it. I was just gonna put a couple keys on it every day until Christmas. Then his pants would have fallen down, which was a little gift to me, but...
Pam: It was really funny.
Jim: Well, it would have been. So unprofessional, Mrs. Halpert.
Pam: I love you.

Phyllis: Luke? Luke!
Luke: What's up, Venus?
Phyllis: Did you send those samples to Justin at Lehigh Motors yesterday? Because he didn't get 'em.
Luke: Uh, if you asked me to do it, I'm sure I did it. Yeah, strawberries are ripe.
Meredith: Hey, turn off the Chumbawamba and scram, twerp.
Luke: You don't have to yell.

Michael Scott: Okay, rude. Luke, I want you to go to the supermarket for me.
Luke: What for?
Michael Scott: To get some ice cream for everybody. It's national ice cream afternoon. Great.
[aside to camera:]
Michael Scott: And another thing I did this summer, I hired my nephew.

Michael Scott: Don't bother Luke.
Pam: Why is there a circle with a line through it?
Michael Scott: That means don't. Haven't you seen Ghostbusters, Pam?
Phyllis: Yeah, but it's like you're saying we should bother Luke.
Michael Scott: No, it- Yes, okay, right. [erases "Don't"] All right, yep. My bad. I got it. Here we go. [writes "Don't" next to the symbol]
Darryl: "Don't don't bother Luke." Got it.
Michael Scott: Come on. Okay, um... [draws a circle around "Don't" with a line through it] That's as clear as I can make it.

Phyllis: Hey, why can't we bother Luke? He deserves it.
Michael Scott: Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre that we're yelling at assistants. I think it would reflect poorly on us.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe?
Gabe: That'd be hilarious. Uh, "Jo, they're creating a hostile work environment. Stop 'em."

Kevin: Wait, soy ice cream? Did you get real ice cream?
Pam: Or enough for everyone?
Luke: No, man. There was no list. Uh, but I got bagel chips.
Oscar: Ah, my favorite part of an ice cream party. The bagel chips.
Andy: Clutch cream run, bro.

Pam: Dwight is about to get so Pammed.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, did you SMS text message me?
Pam: Yeah, I wanted to show you something in the lobby. Come on.
Dwight K. Schrute: [as elevator doors won't shut] Okay, that's weird. Just hitting "door closed." What?
Pam: There we go.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is this elevator going up? Hey, the elevator is disobeying us! [elevator stops between floors] Okay, okay. We are stuck. We are stuck. Hank, Hank! Can you hear us? Oh, my God. Okay. Emergency protocol.
Pam: Let's just- Let's just calm down.
Dwight K. Schrute: Pam, try and pry open those front doors, immediately.
Pam: I don't-
Dwight K. Schrute: Use your talons! Pry 'em open! [starts to urinate in elevator corner]
Pam: Okay, Dwi- Oh, my God!
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, don't look, freak!
Pam: Dwight, what are you doing!? We've only been in here for, like, two seconds!
Dwight K. Schrute: I've got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder! And we have to establish a pee corner!
Pam: You've gotta be kidding me.

Jim: Pam?
Pam: Oh, hey Jim. Some prankster switched the elevator buttons on Dwight.
Jim: I did not do this.
Pam: I know. Yeah, and it was going really great at first. I got video.
Jim: This is impressive.
Pam: Well, you know... they don't call me the Bart Simpson of Scranton for nothing.
Jim: Do they call you that?
Pam: They do call me that.
Jim: Come on, give me your hand. I'll help you down.
Pam: Nope. Scared of getting cut in half. Also, there's pee on the floor.
Jim: Oh! Of course there is.