Nellie: Where there's a will, there's a way. I once spent a passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother, John Grant. He's older than Hugh, just a little bit uglier. How did I pull that off? Sheer force of will.

Nellie: Jim, help me lower this screen. You're a big, tall man. [points to Ryan] You'd be hilarious trying to do it, like a little boy just let go of his balloon.

Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] Iris, let me tell you. David Wallace is the CEO, but he's not hands on.
Nellie: [as Iris] So the day-to-day operations are entirely under your command?
Dwight K. Schrute: Entirely is the perfect way to describe it, Iris.
Nellie: Uh, excuse me. [reading card held up by Jim] I'm being told by my sound engineer, Steve, that uh there is a clinking sound coming from your end. Does your shirt have buttons?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes..?
Nellie: I'm so sorry we're going to have to ask you to remove the shirt all together.
Dwight K. Schrute: [shirtless] Now then, we were saying. When my workers-gather-
Nellie: Oh, I'm so sorry. I am told we are still having problems, Mr. Schrute. Your voice, it's sounding a little feminine.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's impossible.
Nellie: Are you by any chance wearing pants with a metallic zipper?

Nellie: Well, the good news is no more guilty conscience. At least you know he is the strangler. The proof is in the grip. Did they say when the vocal cords would heal? [Toby nods in his neck brace] One week? [Toby shakes head] Okay, two weeks? [Toby nods] Okay. You offered your neck in search of the truth. The proud neck of justice. Isn't that the expression? No. Well, anyway, it was, it was very brave. It really was quite brave.

Jim: Hey. So they accidentally gave us an extra egg sandwich this morning. Who wants it?
Kevin: Ooh
Darryl: Me.
Phyllis: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Right here.
Nellie: Allow me to solve your problem, then.
Jim: Nellie
Nellie: Mmm. [bites sandwich] Oh, that is disgusting. Do you call that a King James breakfast pie?
Jim: What brings you to town?
Nellie: Certainly not the Harry Houdini Museum. What a nobody. Oh look, some Hungarian just found their way out of a sack. Let's build a shrine. No, I've come to work here.

Robert: Now, let's find you something fun to do here, shall we?
Nellie: Oh, I've already found it. I am manager, a natural next step. It fits like a glove.
Robert: We have a manager.
Nellie: Do you really? Because it is 10:00. I've been in this chair for an hour, and no other manager has come and sat in my lap.

Nellie: So what is going on? That does seem to be the question, doesn't it? [in American accent] Hey, this is messed up, bro. Who is this weird lady? [normal voice] I know. It's a lot. So, who knows what's going on? Anyone? You, yes. Wait, I am very good at intuiting names. Is it... chumbo?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I think it's a cross between Dumbo and Jumbo, with a hint of chubby. It's not a name.

Darryl: Alright, we're going down to my warehouse, that means we're playing by my rules. No messing with the baler and be cool in front of me and Val. We just broke up.
Phyllis: You got dumped?
Darryl: Yeah, she ended things.
Nellie: Breakups are the worst. The only thing that got me through mine was large amounts of shepherd's pie and Brandy. The singer, not the drink.

Nellie: Oh, I live in Poland now. The Scranton of the E.U. Thank you for flying me out here for the weekend. I'm looking forward to the reunion panel tomorrow. Can't wait to see everyone. Well, almost everyone.

Gabe: [enters] Happy birthday to Gabe!
Nellie: Oh, get out, skeleton man!