Michael Scott: Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo?
Kevin: Wait. Alfredo's pizza cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?
Michael Scott: Same thing. [everyone groans] You know what, I don't understand when you all talk at the same time!
Kevin: Oscar, talk to him.
Oscar: Michael, there's a very big difference between these two pizza places. Both in quality of ingredients and in overall taste. Which one did you order from?
Michael Scott: Pizza by Alfredo. [everyone groans] All right, you know what? Okay, okay. What is better, a medium amount of good pizza, or all you can eat of pretty good pizza?
All: A medium amount of good pizza.

Phyllis: Angela is worse than usual lately, and we have a party to throw. So I googled "how to deal with difficult people," and I got all of this. So we're gonna try out some new things today.
[cut to:]
Phyllis: So how do you feel about the fact that the banner says "lunch"?
Angela: I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.
Phyllis: I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be awful.
Angela: It is awful. You've made this day awful.

Dwight K. Schrute: What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer, and every sale counts.
Kelly: But you get to put the paper in the little shopping cart and then it says, "Thanks for shopping with Dunder Mifflin."
Dwight K. Schrute: Damn it, Kelly, it knows! It knows what you did!
Darryl: Who knows?
Dwight K. Schrute: Return it. Return it now.
Darryl: Hey. How about instead of yelling at our sweet Miss Kapoor over 500 sheets of paper, you get back to your desk and start selling multiple reams, like a man.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't understand. Okay, if this makes the difference, I'm gonna tell it that you were responsible.
Darryl: Who's "it"?

Michael Scott: And the same thing goes for quarterly reports. They're unreadable. They're just numbers, and boring, and black. So what I was thinking is that maybe we should have some sort of graphic. Like if we have a bad quarter, put in a storm cloud. And, when we have a good quarter fireworks. Or a race car. [everybody sighs] Doesn't have to be a race car. Use your imagination.

Jim: There's this cube on the screen, and it bounces around all day. And sometimes it looks like it's heading right into the corner of the screen and at the last minute it hits the wall and bounces away. We are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
[later, also to camera:]
Pam: I saw it. I saw it, and it was amazing. Who said I didn't see it? Did Jim say that? I saw it!

[As Michael talks, the employees are busy watching the DVD screensaver on the TV]
Michael Scott: We have a lot of colored paper here. Why, oh, why, do we keep printing this on white?
Andy: No! Come on!
Michael Scott: Yeah. I know. I know. It's bland.
Oscar: It's never gonna happen.
Kevin: Dude, you've gotta believe.
Michael Scott: Maybe we could have some sort of riddle-
Jim: Wait for it.
Pam: Uh-huh.
Michael Scott: Like something that you have to look for Sort of a Where's Waldo? [everyone cheers and applauds] All r- All right. Let's quit while we're ahead.
Kevin: That was so awesome.
Michael Scott: That was awesome. Thank you. [later, to camera] Some days, I am just on fire. What can I say?

Meredith: Hey, there he is.
Jim: Hey, Meredith. How you feeling?
Meredith: I never thanked you for coming to the hospital.
Jim: Oh, please, it was my pleasure. Well, we all came, so-
Meredith: Well, I real appreciate you coming. I'm singling you out. Anyway, I have this sharpie. And I was wondering if you could sign my cast. [Meredith lifts up her blouse to reveal a cast around her pelvis.] Can you write where I can read it?
Jim: Oh, yep.
Meredith: [whispering] I'll read this when I get home.

Pam: Dwight mercy killed Angela's cat. It's very complicated. It's caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who were both already prone to unpleasantness.

Angela: I asked for assorted cutlery, and I got back spoons. These are worthless.
Phyllis: I want to understand what you're saying, but it's difficult for me when you use that tone.
Angela: Phyllis, these are spoons. Spoons have round tops and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks which have prongs or tiny spears on top. And we need knives which have blades. Do you understand me now?
Phyllis: Yes.
Angela: Goody.

Dwight K. Schrute: I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me, but I never intended to use them. What did intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.