Jo: When Mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing, she'd ask one question: What do we do when we find the guilty party? And if they said, "Come down on him with that swift hammer of justice!", innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said "Officer Bessie, well they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah", well nine times out of ten, that's the anus they'd check.

Jo: Oh for god's sake. He's texting me his resume one line at a time. These are costing me ten cents a piece, you jackass! I'm roaming!

Jo: This is knucklehead talk. I'm not gonna bite it, you know. You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly, because gravy ain't sweet! Is it, Jim?

Jo: I'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short. I'm a breast cancer survivor, close, personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. When I was a little girl, I was terrified to fly, and now I have my own pilot's license. I am CEO of Sabre International, and I sell the best damn printers and all-in-one machines Korea can make. Pleased to meet you.

Michael Scott: Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bennett.
Jo: Oh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. My husband and I are divorced, but I kept the "Mrs." just to piss off the new wife. Well, let's take a gander around this place.

Jo: Y'all no doubt know why I'm here.
Kevin: No.
Jo: Turns out our printers are famous. They're all over the news. It's an interesting story. Cheap foreign printers attacking innocent Americans. Well, actually the, the real story isn't quite as racy, but uh... let's give it a go.
Kevin: Jo, I think that I know what happened.
Jo: I'm not sure you do, teddy bear.
Kevin: Well, now I think I might not.
Jo: Not long ago, we discovered a defect in one of our printers, so we got a software patch and fixed it right up, just like that. I don't know how it works. But just as we were about to send out a letter to our affected customers, giving 'em free toner, and we keep 'em, happy. But somebody here, they liked that first story better. The one where we lose half our clients for no damn good reason! Whoever it was who talked to the press, they should come forward, please.

Kevin: Jo, there's books in my chair.
Jo: That's right, darlin', now you're the proud new owner of a Sabre handbook and my autobiography. Now, you all must be in a tizzy. I can see it on your faces, I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin? Right? I mean, Sabre? What's that? Some company I've never heard of? Down in Tallahassee? Where is that? Near Mars?

Jo: Oh, you don't become the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slacking off. [scoffs] You do it by working hard. Or marrying rich. I did both!

Jo: Hey, all! Cornelius, Bobo, have at it. Nobody let my dogs hump each other. They don't seem to know they're brothers.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello, Jo. Welcome. Well, shall we begin?
Jo: Slow yourself down there. Just like a man. Wants to jump right into it while I still got my socks on.

Jo: Well, this is my last day at the Scranton branch for a while. But I'm leaving it in the very capable hands of some of the loveliest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. You know, I'm gonna miss this place. And the snow! Oh, my dogs love peeing in that snow! Makes me think they're onto something.