Michael Scott: No, no, no, no. This is the birth story. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. [getting emotional] And I should have been there. I should have been there to witness this. I could have helped.
Jan: I know you're sad about this. And I wish that I, but- Would it help if you held Astrid for just a little bit?
Michael Scott: Uh, yeah.
Jan: I'm just going to lie down for a couple of minutes. I'm exhausted, so... Remind me to talk to you about Astrid's 529. Wake me in 20.

Jan: You know what? There is- There is one more thing that you can do for me. Don't date Holly.
Michael Scott: What? That's- I hate her. Why? God! Why would you even ask me to- I mean, not that it matters, 'cause I don't, but wha- Okay. All right. Fine.
Jan: Thanks for the baby shower.

Michael Scott: Am I the kind of person to misremember our relationship as something more than it ever was?
Jan: Michael Scott, you are here for a post mortem.
Michael Scott: What?
Jan: You wanna dig into our relationship, go over it, see what killed it. Okay, I'm in.

Astrid: Mommy!
Jan: Assy! Awwhhh how was school?
Astrid: It was cool.
Jan: [singing] What did you learn?
Astrid: What did I learn?
Jan: You might have learned shapes, or blocks, or clocks, or colors. Or you might have learned that we're all, sisters and brothers.
Michael Scott: I have herpes.

Jan: He finished his movie? No kidding. Wow, that's great. Yeah that's good for him.

Pam: Sorry. Um, David is in Vermont. Did you speak with him? He sent Dwight instead.
Jan: Molly! David Wallace is in Vermont.
Molly: Oh, my God. Um, I talked to his assistant. And I guess it did get a little confusing ‘cause you said not to tell anyone your name. And then also, those Bluetooths are very hard to hear with. I know you love the way they look, but Tom never had us use them...
Jan: Molly. I am not Tom. I am Jan.
Molly: I'm so sorry, Jan. [sobbing]

Pam: So this was all just a trick. You don't really have any business to give?
Jan: No, I do.
Pam: But not to us.
Jan: Insightful, Pam.

Pam: Mm. Excuse me. Could I get some more water?
Jan: No.