Jan: What's going on here?
Phyllis: We know the branch is closing. Michael told us.
Jan: Oh, God. Okay. You know what, everybody? I'm sure there's a better way to do this, but I've driven something like 400 miles today, and I'm completely exhausted, so I'm just gonna tell you. Your branch is not closing. Stamford is closing. Uh, for the time being, it seems that all of your jobs are safe.

Kevin: Hi, Jan. You look tan.
Jan: I was in Scottsdale, visiting my sister.
Kevin: Yeah? How was it?
Jan: Very sunny. Family's important.

Michael Scott: [on the phone] So you don't want to end our relationship?
Jan: I'm closer to firing you.
Michael Scott: That is so sweet.

Michael Scott: [on the car phone] Okay, Jan? Jan, this party is actually a very big step for us. So I-
Jan: I'm still on speaker?
Michael Scott: I- I- I don't know.
Jan: Are the cameras there?
Michael Scott: Maybe.
Jan: Okay. See you soon.

Michael Scott: What you looking for? You bring dip?
Jan: I'm sure that it's catered. I need you to sign these, Michael. It's a waiver of some of your rights. You should read it carefully. It releases the company in the event that our relationship, in your opinion or in reality, interferes with work. You get a copy, I get a copy and a third copy goes to HR.
Michael Scott: Awesome. I'm gonna frame mine. I could frame yours, too. You realize this is- This is a legal document that says you can't sue the company-
Michael Scott: Over our love.
Jan: I've never told you that I love you.
Michael Scott: You don't have to, Jan. This contract says it all.

Jan: What's this over the "I"?
Michael Scott: It's a heart.

Michael Scott: I love this woman!
Jan: Oh, God. Michael, please. Michael, please.

Jan: [on the phone] Michael, come over after work tonight, okay? I miss your body.
Michael Scott: I don't know. I feel I drive a lot. I'm spending a fortune on gas and tools.
Jan: Okay. I'll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser.
Michael Scott: That I don't know. That makes me kind of uncomfortable.
Jan: $300?
Michael Scott: Well- I don't know.
Jan: Look, whatever. Just let my assistant know if you're coming over so he can get more vodka. Okay? Hunter, are you on?
Hunter: You got it, Jan.

Jan: Bye, Hunter.
Hunter: Bye.
Jan: Good luck with your band.
Hunter: Oh, thank you-
Jan: Don't let them change you, okay? [exiting:] So long, [bleep]!

Michael Scott: No, don't cry. It's going to be okay.
Jan: Oh, I know. I know. It's just- I'm sorry. It's just these painkillers that I started taking since the surgery. Oh, they make my moods totally unpredictable.