Jan Levinson Quotes Page 3 of 7
Quote from Dunder Mifflin Infinity
Jan: So what's Ryan doing here?
Michael Scott: I don't know. They're launching a big new business plan, a new website. He's being a real twerp about it though. It's all about youth, and agility, and streamlining. Trying to squeeze out the older people.
Jan: He's such a snake. Hope he gets them an ageism suit.
Michael Scott: What is that word?
Jan: Ageism? Like a couple years ago we tried to force out some of the older branch managers with a mandatory retirement age and then Ed Truck, your old boss, threatened us with a lawsuit, so we had to back off.
Michael Scott: So older people have just as many rights as younger people?
Jan: Yes, Michael, they do.
Quote from Dinner Party
Jan: So this is the master bedroom. And these walls, they used to be, like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer so I had it painted in eggshell white.
Michael Scott: Guess what. White and eggshell white are exactly the same color.
Jan: Babe.
Michael Scott: Exactly.
Jan: [putting away a tripod-mounted camera near the bed] I thought you said that you were gonna tidy things up.
Michael Scott: Well, I-
Jan: Shame on you.
Quote from Dinner Party
Pam: What a cute bench.
Michael Scott: Thanks. That's my bed. Jan has, uh, some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.
Jim: Really? 'Cause It seems pretty narrow and short.
Michael Scott: It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at that!
Jan: See, he fits perfectly.
Quote from Weight Loss
Ronnie: Hi, can I help you?
Jan: I need you to make me 100 copies of this on canary yellow.
Kevin: Hey, Jan. How's the candle game?
Jan: Hi. Great, yeah. Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?
Kevin: Cool. Thank god they found her too.
Jan: Oh, they found her?
Quote from Baby Shower
Jan: [singing] How well I remember The look that was in his eyes Stealing kisses from me on the sly Taking time to make time Telling me that he's all mine Learning from each other's knowing Looking to see how much we've grown. And the only...
Quote from Baby Shower
Andy: So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
Jan: Well, actually, I had a tub birth. And it was really quite amazing.
Angela: You gave birth in a tub?
Jan: Yeah. It's a- It's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.
Kelly: So you're in the tub with everything?
Jan: Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats.
Creed: Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
Jan: Oh, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.
Stanley: [eating cake] I'm done.
Oscar: Me too.
Jan: And after the birth you get out and deliver the afterbirth.
Quote from Sex Ed
Jan: How do I do it? Raise my daughter, work as director of office purchasing for this hospital and release an album of Doris Day covers on my own label? If I knew I'd tell you.
Quote from Branch Closing
Jan: I'm here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch.
Michael Scott: I don't understand.
Jan: The Board voted last night to close your branch.
Michael Scott: On whom's authority?
Jan: The Board's.
Michael Scott: What?
Jan: I'm very sorry. I don't relish telling you this. You've been a big part of this company, and the Board asked me to thank you for your years of service.
Michael Scott: You're welcome.
Jan: A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch and the rest will be getting severance packages.
Michael Scott: Am I a "small number" person or a "severance package" person?
Jan: Well, we haven't made final decisions about personnel yet. But you're a "severance package" person.
Michael Scott: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Quote from Dinner Party
Pam: We- We got you this.
Jan: Oh, well, Pam, thank you. This will be great to cook with.
Quote from Dinner Party
Jan: So music? Should we turn some music?
Michael Scott: That sounds good.
Jan: So do you guys remember my old assistant, Hunter? He is an excellent song writer. Wait until you hear this.
Okay, here we go.
Hunter: [singing on CD] You took me by the hand Just made me a man That one night You made everything all right So raw, So right All night, all right Oh yeah! So raw, so right, All night, all right Oh yeah!
[Jan starts dancing, slapping her behind, then holding Jim's hand before settling in with Michael]