Michael Scott: And I also built this table.
Jim: What is that, chestnut?
Michael Scott: No, it's either pine or Nordic cherry.
Jan: It's pine.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Jim: I'm just terrible at this stuff, so that's cool.
Jan: Really?
Pam: Yeah. Yeah, he tried to set up my Tivo for me, but then I didn't have audio for a week.
Michael Scott: If you ever need any help, I'm just a phone call away.
Jan: I bet you are.

Jan: Excuse me. Excuse me. I'm told that there has been some interest in forming a union, and that Michael supported it. Obviously, he's not a friend of yours, because he didn't tell you the facts. So, let me. If there is even a whiff of unionizing in this branch, I can guarantee you the branch will be shut down like that. They unionized in Pittsfield, and we all know what happened in Pittsfield. It will cost each of you a fortune in legal fees and union dues, and that will be nothing compared to the cost of losing your jobs. So, I would think long and hard before sacrificing your savings and your futures just to send a message. If you have any further questions, you can direct them to- To Michael.

Jan: How about we do the short tour, and then I'll start dinner?
Pam: Oh, I can help starting dinner, if you need it.
Jan: Oh, no, no, no. It's just the osso buco needs to braise for about three hours. Everything else's done.
Pam: Three hours from now, or three hours from earlier, like 4:00?
Jan: You know, Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight.
Michael Scott: When in Rome.

Jan: [singing over slideshow] Mommy, you're a princess. Mommy, you're a superstar. Mommy you're the greatest. How can I ever fill your sho-o-o-es?
Pam: Wow. Your voice is as lovely as ever.

Michael Scott: This is important. Ladies, take a breather. Jan, I wanted- [to Pam] Can I help you? I wanted to say that the guys downstairs are thinking about forming a union, and they have some good points.
Jan: What? A union?
Michael Scott: Don't get hysterical.
Jan: I'm not.
Michael Scott: [to camera:] Part of my job is knowing how to talk to women.
Michael Scott: Let's be rational here. What are the pros? What are the cons?
Jan: The cons are that everyone will lose their job, Michael. Everyone. Office, warehouse. What do you think the pros are here?
Michael Scott: Don't talk to me that way, please. Just- They're gonna want to hear this from you.
Jan: Oh, you got yourself into this, Michael, so-
Michael Scott: We're bonding down there.
Jan: -you get yourself out of it. That's too bad.
Michael Scott: I just don't want to have to tell them something they're not gonna want to hear.
Jan: Now who's getting hysterical?

Jan: Nervous? No, I'm not nervous. Well, I mean, I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous. The new CFO is judging me on this, too. And, well, it is Michael, so... Yeah. I am very nervous.

Jan: Why am I here, Michael?
Michael Scott: I-
Jan: In the last year, I've gone through a divorce, an identity theft, a husband who would not communicate. This is neither here nor there. My psychiatrist thinks that I have some self-destructive tendencies, and that for once, I should indulge them. Are you following me?
Michael Scott: Uh, uh- Yes.
Jan: I think I owe it to myself to find some kind of happiness, you know? I mean, even- Even if it means lowering my expectations or redefining the word itself.
Michael Scott: Okay, yeah-
Jan: This is the thing, you know? I am attracted to you. I don't I don't know why, I- But I am, and I need to follow my instincts. At least, that's what Dr. Perry thinks.
Michael Scott: Who's Dr. Perry? I-
Jan: This is the point, okay? You're wrong for me. In- In every way. But I still- Well, I find myself wanting to be with you.

Jan: [on the phone] Dwight's name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don't know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote, "Beeswax Not Yours Incorporated."
Michael Scott: I knew it.

Jan: Am I on speakerphone?
Michael Scott: Yes, you are.
Jan: Is anybody else-
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello, Jan!
Jan: Hi, Dwight. Okay, Michael, take me off speakerphone.
Michael Scott: No problem.
Jan: [still on speaker phone] Okay, let's just go to a motel and just, like, rip into each other like we did on that black sand beach in Jamaica.

Jan: You son of a bitch.
David: Jan, this isn't the time. I'm in an interview-
Jan: You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off?
David: Frankly, it's overdue. Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic.
Jan: Erratic?
David: Recently, you don't even show an interest in your work. You smoke constantly in your office, you spend most of the day online shopping. You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days, always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale. You go to Scranton far more often than you-
Jan: Is it because of these?
Michael Scott: Whoa, hey, whoa, Jan.
Jan: Is it- No, I want to know! I want to know! Because if it is, then- Then I will see you in court.
David: It's not. It's not.
Jan: No. Because he likes them, okay? He likes them. And that is- That is all I care about.