Jim: Andy put down a bunch of deposits on stuff for his wedding with Angela, but then she was sleeping with Dwight for... several years. Wait, no, that can't be right.
Pam: The timeline's messy.
Jim: Anyway, now we are going bargain hunting in the haunted graveyard of their love.

Jim: I am extremely interested. So, how much will all of this cost?
Andy: Well, twelve guys, airfare, three nights in a hotel, food per diem, table up front for merch... $9,000.
Pam: I don't know. It seems like a lot for an a cappella group from a college we never went to.
Andy: Did you even hear the music I just played for you?
Pam: Mm-hmm.

Michael Scott: Hey.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey. Ed's Tires is thinking of making a change.
Michael Scott: [gestures to 'Bed & Breakfast' magazine] Is this good?
Dwight K. Schrute: They have some great kitchen ideas.
Michael Scott: Oh. Okay. Ed's Tires, huh?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's small, I know.
Michael Scott: I really appreciate it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thanks, Michael. [Michael palms Dwight cash in their handshake] Wait, what is this?
Michael Scott: It's for your trouble.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wh- I don't need $6 to help a friend.
Michael Scott: No, no, listen, as a friend, I want you to have this.
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael, you know I can't take this.
Michael Scott: Yes, I do.
Dwight K. Schrute: But don't forget you owe me $10.
Michael Scott: That was four years ago. Why don't you let it go?
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael.

Michael Scott: Bring it in. Morning cheer. [clears throat]
Michael, Pam & Ryan: U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi! You ugly, huh huh, you ugly! You mama says you ugly! Hey! Go Michael Scott Paper Company!
[aside to camera:]
Pam: I'm here. I'm a part of this now.

Michael Scott: Hello, Dwight. What's with the shirt? Are you alright?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm sorry, Michael
Charles: [emerging from around the corner] Hi, Michael.
Michael Scott: Oh my God! Run! Run! It's a setup. Setup!
Charles: No, Mich-Michael.
Michael Scott: Dwight, run!
Charles: Michael, no, let's be cool, ok?
Michael Scott: You be cool.
Charles: Yes.
Michael Scott: Just-what's going on?
Charles: We need to talk about our two companies, and how we should behave. Dwight tells me you've been pestering him for company info.
Michael Scott: Mm- Do... Dwight would not-
Charles: He did.
Dwight K. Schrute: I did, Michael. I was upset about the shirt sleeves at first, but now I'm okay with it.
Charles: Michael, I want you to stop pestering my salesmen, and I want you to leave Dunder Mifflin alone. Do you understand?
Michael Scott: I. Understand. Nothing.

Andy: Hey, Jim.
Jim: I just totally blew a sales call.
Andy: Bro, I do that all the time.
Jim: Yeah, well, with you it's different, okay? Cause I just- I just suck. I just- I suck!
Andy: Tuna, be nice to my friend Jim, okay?
Jim: Why? When I look in the mirror, I don't like the face that looks back.
Andy: Well, so what? Your body's a ten.
Jim: Just forget it.
Andy: Jim.
Jim: I said forget it. [drop kicks his lunch, then stomps on it]

Stanley: So, you think Michael's going after the whale, huh?
Dwight K. Schrute: I have a long term relationship with Harper Collins publishers and Mr. Schofield. I'm not worried.
Phyllis: You sound worried.
Dwight K. Schrute: And you have bad skin. Oh, look everyone, we're all making observations! [gibberish sounds]

Ryan: Look at that old dude and his Rolodex go.
Pam: I spent a month putting that Rolodex on his Blackberry, which he now uses as a nightlight.

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael has been talking to my biggest client. Master and apprentice pitted against one another for the fate of the greater Scranton area paper market. So it's not exactly like 'Highlander,' but still...

Pam: Oh my God, I think we've been robbed!
Michael Scott: [answering phone] Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Did you enjoy your lunch?
Michael Scott: Dwight, not now, we've been robbed.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Michael, you were sabotaged.
Michael Scott: No, Dwight, we were robbed. How would you even know? You're still stuck in traffic. [Pam holds up a sign saying "Dwight did it!!"] You?
Dwight K. Schrute: Me.
Michael Scott: What about our truce?
Dwight K. Schrute: I broke it.
Michael Scott: On purpose?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes.
Michael Scott: Why?
Dwight K. Schrute: You think this is some kind of game? No, this is a war, and I will not stop, I will not rest. You have no idea what kind of enemy you've created. You have unleashed the wolf!
Michael Scott: Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it.
Dwight K. Schrute: And I knew that you would do that. The meatball parm is their worst sandwich!
Michael Scott: Oh. [bites into the sandwich] Bastard!