‘Gay Witch Hunt’
Season 3, Episode 1 - Aired September 21, 2006
Michael outs Oscar to the entire office after he complained about his boss's inappropriate language.
Quote from Jim
Jim: [on the phone] What's gaydar? Oh, oh, gaydar, yes! No, I think they have it at Sharper Image. Oh, you know what? I can check for you. No problem. [typing loudly] It's sold out. Yeah. Sorry about that. That's a bummer.
[cut to:]
Michael Scott: They're sold out.
Dwight K. Schrute: Damn. I'll try Brookstone.
Quote from Oscar
Oscar: Yes, I am super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company in Scranton. Much like Sir Ian McKellen.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Pam: Michael, Dwight's looking at gay pornography on his computer.
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh, Michael knows, Pam, okay? He asked me to do this just for him. He has his own reasons.
Michael Scott: Whew. Okay. Nothing wrong with this stuff at all. This is fine. You know what? Gay porn, straight porn, it's all good. I don't particularly get into this but, you know what, I totally see the merit. And actually, it is quite beautiful.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, damn pop-ups.
Quote from Creed
Creed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the '60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing.
Quote from Oscar
Oscar: I don't think I can work here any longer. This has been the worst, most backwards day of my life.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Oh, there's Gil, Oscar's roommate. I wonder if he knows.
Quote from Andy
Andy: Okay, who put my calculator in JELL-O? Good one. But, seriously, guys, who did this? Seriously, guys. Who did this? I need to know who put my calculator in JELL-O or I'm going to lose my freaking mind! [kicks a trash can]
Quote from Michael Scott
Toby: Apparently you called Oscar faggy.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Toby: For liking the movie Shakespeare in Love more than an action movie.
Michael Scott: It wasn't just an action movie, it was Die Hard.
Quote from Michael Scott
Oscar: You sound pretty defensive, Michael.
Michael Scott: No. I am just coming out myself. I am coming out hetero!
Oscar: I think the problem with this office is that you are sending mixed signals about my being here.
Michael Scott: No. No. The only signal that I am sending is gay good! Look, if I was gay, I would be the most flamboyant gay you've ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in feathers and just I'd be waving that rainbow flag.
Quote from Pam
Jim: You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.
Pam: Me, too. I think we're just drunk.
Jim: No, I'm not drunk. Are you drunk?
Pam: No. [Jim moves into kiss Pam again] Jim.
Jim: You're really going to marry him? Okay.