Dwight K. Schrute: I offered myself to Angela and she turned me down. If she changes her mind, the next move is hers. I'm with Esther now. She's younger than Angela, sturdier, more comfortable with the scent of a manured field. Let's be honest. When it came to manured fields, Angela was at best indifferent.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, Esther.
Esther: Hey.
Dwight K. Schrute: What are you- [Esther kisses him] You're here early.
Esther: Yeah, I plucked the chickens extra fast 'cause I knew I was seeing you tonight. There might just be a little feather in your nuggets or a little bit of meat inside of your pillow.
Dwight K. Schrute: I like a little feather in my nuggets.

Sensei: I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts.
Dwight K. Schrute: He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts!
Sensei: It's not a large room, I think they heard me.
Dwight K. Schrute: Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself.
Sensei:That's really okay. I'm mostly focused on the belt here.
Dwight K. Schrute: Just slip it off my- Slip it off my hips.
Sensei: Hold it. Take a step back. Take a step back. Okay, okay. I can't- I can't do this if you're gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think we're gonna have to cut this off.
Dwight K. Schrute: He will now perform the ceremonial cutting-off-of-the-belt.

Clark: Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to hang out with Pam.
Dwight K. Schrute: You did not just say that! You don't know Pam. She is really cool.
Clark: All I'm saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the manager's chair. And I thought you wanted that job.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It's out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I'd be happy to see Jim as manager.

Dwight K. Schrute: Aspirin? You wanna get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that.

Dwight K. Schrute: Hello.
Andy: Well, hello.
Dwight K. Schrute: Big day for you.
Andy: Big day for you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Thank you.
Andy: Love the belt.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, yes.
Andy: You know, I don't know anything about karate but I have broken a few boards in my day. Diving boards, at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-dog's outta here, so letting it all hang out!
Dwight K. Schrute: This is exciting! You're finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings.
Andy: Thank you, I appreciate that. ‘cause a lot of people are saying I might not make it.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, I doubt you'll make it. Very few do who've tried to be a star. But, listen, you've saved up enough money to take a couple of years off to pursue your dream and have some fun, right?
Andy: No, I just applied for more overdraft protection.
Dwight K. Schrute: Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years, I have seen you perform. Dear God, don't quit your day job.

Dwight K. Schrute: Say it again.
David: Will you be the new manager?
Dwight K. Schrute: Where?
David: Where?
Dwight K. Schrute: What branch?
David: Here. Scranton. [Dwight falls to his knees] Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Let's go. It's good news.
Dwight K. Schrute: [sobbing] I'm sorry. I've just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun.
David: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: But this isn't interim manager. No. It's Dwight K. Schrute... [pulls a business card out of his wallet] Manager.
David: Why do you already have this?
Dwight K. Schrute: In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David.
David: I know.
Dwight K. Schrute: I will never, ever let you down.
David: I know, Dwight. I know. [holds out hand, instead Dwight hugs him] Okay. Okay. All righty. You're gonna do great.

Dwight K. Schrute: Yesterday I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. It really is amazing how your life can change in one day.

Dwight K. Schrute: Behind every great regional manager is a great assistant to the regional manager, and I have chosen one of the best.
Jim: Aw, thanks, man.
Dwight K. Schrute: Once upon a time we were natural enemies, but we've overcome our differences. Much like Germany and Italy in World War-
Jim: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Good call. Together we run a no-nonsense office.
[Jim holds up a chalkboard sign reading "[5] days since last nonsense", Dwight scrubs out 5 and writes 6]

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm letting you all off half an hour early to view the documentary. So you can make it up to me by working an extra half an hour tomorrow, or a minute extra for the rest of the month.