Michael Scott: The point I'm trying to make with all of this, people, is that I hate drugs. I hate them! And based upon what I have seen, you all don't quite hate them as much as I do. So, you are going to have a drug test and I am not.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, you will be tested.
Michael Scott: Yes, I will- Will not be.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, you will be. That is the law according to the rules.
Michael Scott: Okay, well, Dwight, just know that I've been very busy today and I've got a lot of work to do and I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom and I don't even know if anything's gonna come out. Okay? So, good. Thank you.

Michael Scott: So, I need you to do some work on the Saint Andrews account. I need your urine, I need some filing done.
Dwight K. Schrute: What kind of filing?
Michael Scott: Just forget it. Just the urine.
Dwight K. Schrute: That goes directly to the tester.
Michael Scott: Just- I need your urine.
Dwight K. Schrute: Like in a cup?
Michael Scott: Yes, in a cup. We're not animals, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: For what purpose?
Michael Scott: It's none of your business.
Dwight K. Schrute: Then I refuse.
Michael Scott: Okay, all right, just I went to an Alicia Keys concert over the weekend. And I think I may have gotten high accidentally by a girl with a lip ring.
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you serious?
Michael Scott: I need clean urine for the lady. [sighing]
Dwight K. Schrute: But that's illegal.
Michael Scott: Don't think of it that way. It's like urine goes all over the place. You know, there's no controlling it. It just-
Dwight K. Schrute: Not my urine.
Michael Scott: A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident.

Angela: Do you want to give Michael your urine?
Dwight K. Schrute: I want him to have all the urine he needs.
Angela: You're not gonna get my permission on this.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know that. Don't you think I know that?

Linda: Yeah, we do testing all over the country.
Ryan: Cool. Hey, are you guys hiring?
Linda: You want to work at the urinalysis lab?
Ryan: Yeah. Maybe.

Pam: What? Did you wanna tell me something? You look like you want to tell me something. You look like you have something really important to say and you just can't for some reason. Come on, you can tell me. Jim, you can tell me anything.

Pam: Here. Just buy it from me. I haven't talked to you in hours and it's been weird. And I really wanna know what the hell's going on with Dwight.
[Jim hands Pam a dollar bill]
Jim: Hi.
Pam: Hey.
Jim: How much time do you have left on your break?
Pam: Ten minutes.