Creed: The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss? [aside to camera:] If that's flashing, then lock me up.

Oscar: Hey, Pam, I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship.
Pam: That's very funny.
Stanley: I've never heard you talk that much. I thought it was Kelly.
Kelly: Are you kidding? I would never have done that. It was Patheticville. No offense, Pam.
Meredith: You know what, don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said.
Creed: I remember. I blogged the whole thing.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts Check it out.

Jan: Okay, name, please?
Creed: Creed Bratton, 75+ division.
Jan: You're over 75 years old?
Creed: 82 November 1st. How much is the prize money?
Jan: There's no prize money.
Creed: Well, is any of this real?

Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to 3 feet inside of me, and then eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after 3 months, I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
[later, also to camera:]
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.

Michael Scott: Well, this next item is sure to spring steam from your ears if you don't win it. It just says Creed.
Creed: Yeah, that's all-inclusive.

Creed: These are terrible boss. You gotta make them in a circle so that they cook evenly.
Michael Scott: These are shaped like paper.
Creed: Well, I don't even want these.
Meredith: I'll take them for my kid.

Creed: Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here.
Michael Scott: Hey, thank you, Creed. You're really getting this place.
Creed: No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now.

Creed: Hey, why haven't we ever, um...
Meredith: We have.

Michael Scott: Yes, what else?
Creed: Small things: Peas, ball bearings, dimes.
Michael Scott: No.

Creed: Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not really even pregnant.