Dwight K. Schrute: Hey Jimmy, what's up?
Jim: Not much.
Dwight K. Schrute: Cool. Very cool. I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office.
Jim: [laughs] Thanks Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: That laugh is so infectious.
Jim: You're creeping me out. I'm gonna go.
Dwight K. Schrute: I didn't mean any of those things I just said. And you can expect the same from everyone in this office if you don't nip this whole Employee of the Month situation in the bud. Make it about the work.
Jim: Let me guess, you think you should get it.
Dwight K. Schrute: This encompasses all available data. Hours, tardiness, unconfirmed sick days, participation. Everyone has been assigned a random number for total fairness and transparency. Also, this should be accompanied by a monetary prize.
Jim: Well, in an ideal world...
Dwight K. Schrute: In an ideal world, I would have all ten fingers on my left hand, so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.