‘Conflict Resolution’
Season 2, Episode 21 - Aired May 4, 2006
When Michael learns that Toby has been filing the complaints that the employees have made against each other, he attempts to resolve all the office conflicts.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Yes, thanks. Fantastic Sams, Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow-dry. We're doing ID photos today. Gotta represent.
Quote from Michael Scott
Toby: Here's how I usually handle this. All I do is listen, you know? These things just have a way of working themselves out. It's like if you write someone a letter when you're really angry, they say to keep it in a drawer for a couple of days and then you just never end up sending it.
Michael Scott: What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So...
Toby: Okay. That was the right decision for me and my marriage.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Well, that's not gonna fly here, because in this office it is till death do us part. Assuming that we don't get downsized.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: A "Mediators Tool chest." Okay. Well, before we get started, you should know that there are five different styles of conflict. [in mock Asian accent] My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style.
Angela: Can we go? I have a lot of work to do.
Michael Scott: No. This is important. Okay. The first style is lose-Iose.
Oscar: What's the next one?
Michael Scott: Just hold on, please. Okay. If we do lose-Iose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? You would both lose. Now, I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose-Iose negotiation?
Angela: Can we just skip to whatever number five is, win-win or whatever.
Michael Scott: Win-win is number four. And number five is win-win-win. The important difference here is with win-win-win, we all win. Me, too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work.
Quote from Oscar
Michael Scott: Okay. So this is the disputed poster. Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings, using "l" emotion language, and no judging or "you" statements.
Angela: I got this poster for Christmas and I feel I want to see it every day. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.
Michael Scott: Come on. Seriously, that?
Oscar: I don't like looking at it. It's creepy and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who forced the babies into it. It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art, it destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hard-core porn.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Let's see if we can't just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives that are win-win.
Pam: Win.
Michael Scott: Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win-win-win.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Well, brainstorm. Own the solution.
Angela: How about I leave it up?
Oscar: How about she takes it down?
Pam: How about Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays?
Michael Scott: Okay. That is called a compromise. And it is style three, and it is not ideal. To sum up, win-win: Make the poster into a t-shirt. Win-Iose: Take the poster down. Compromise: Tuesdays and Thursdays. And the answer is make the poster into a t-shirt. Win-win.
Pam: Win.
Quote from Toby
Michael Scott: Here is a Kelly complaint. "Ryan never returns my calls." Join the club.
Ryan: My voicemail's real spotty sometimes.
Kelly: I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking.
Toby: To your HR representative.
Kelly: To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn.
Toby: Fine. I'll take your name off so no one will know.
Quote from Pam
Pam: Hey, thanks for ratting me out.
Angela: I didn't do it.
Pam: I find that hard to believe, considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe.
Quote from Stanley
Michael Scott: Okay. Phyllis, you complained that Angela is giving you dirty looks and you tried to get off the party-planning committee.
Phyllis: I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close.
Michael Scott: And, also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much and that that bugs him.
Phyllis: Stanley and I are close, too.
Stanley: We sit close.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage.