Andy: I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family? Boom!
Michael Scott: Exactly, Andy.
Andy: I took intro to philosophy twice, no big deal.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.
Andy: No, that's not how it works.
Michael Scott: I would not steal the bread. And I would not let my family go hungry.

Michael Scott: I promise you that you are not going to get into trouble. You can say anything you want with total and complete immunity.
Holly: Oh, no. No, no.
Michael Scott: Come on. Anybody? Let it fly.
Oscar: Once in a while, I'll take a long lunch.
Michael Scott: A siesta.
Dwight K. Schrute: Time thief. Time thief. Fire him.

Michael Scott: Well, let's keep this party moving on.
Meredith: I'll go. Have you guys ever met Bruce Myers, the Scranton rep for Hammermill?
Michael Scott: Bruuuuuuuce!
Meredith: Well, for the past six years, I've been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback steakhouse gift certificates.
Jim: Jackpot.
Holly: Meredith, that is serious. I mean, not only is that a conflict of interest, but there's also an exchange of goods.
Meredith: Exchange of steak. Have you ever had sirloin steak, honey?
Michael Scott: That's crazy. That's crazy talk. The "Merenator", sleeping with suppliers.

Jim: Yawn, four seconds.
Dwight K. Schrute: What are you doing?
Jim: Oh, you had said that you don't do anything personal during work time, so I'm just making sure.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait a minute. So you're gonna time me every time I yawn? That's absurd. Really? Oh, hey, look, monkey knows how to use a stopwatch, everybody. He's ti-
Jim: Personal conversation, seventeen seconds.
Dwight K. Schrute: There is no way that that was-
Jim: One second.

Jim: Hey, Andy. By any chance, did you see Battlestar Galactica last night?
Andy: No, I did not. Is that any good?
Jim: Actually not. It is really so-so.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. [As Dwight turns around, Jim holds up his stopwatch]
Jim: I mean, I like all the crazy monsters and stuff, you know, like Klingons and Wookies and all that, but- Sorry, was there something you wanted to add, Dwight?
Andy: Is that anything like the original Battlestar Galactica?
Jim: You know, it's weird. It's practically a shot-for-shot remake.
Andy: Really? That's cool.
Jim: Story's kind of bland. It's about this guy named Dumbledore Calrissian-
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, okay.
Jim: Who needs to return the ring back to Mordor.
Andy: It's really- That doesn't sound right.

Holly: It's been a little tense. People are suspicious of me, and my best friend in the office won't even talk to me. Turns out being the morality police does not make you popular. I should know, because in middle school, I was the hall monitor, and the kids used to stuff egg salad in my locker. I was just hoping middle school was over.

Ryan: Kendall from corporate H.R. is on line 1 and Holly's on her way too.
Michael Scott: What's the only thing worse than one H.R. Rep?
Ryan: Two H.R. Reps.
Michael Scott: You get me.

Phyllis: Thank you, Meredith. This was delicious.
Meredith: Hey. Where's the steak sauce?
Kevin: I think we're out.
Meredith: I got some in my minivan somewhere.
Andy: Wait a second. How does the steak factor in again?
Kevin: I think she got it as a tip, but I don't know why she didn't just take cash.
Phyllis: I don't care what she's doing. I hope she just keeps doing it.
Stanley: Amen, just keep the ribs coming.

Holly: Let's start discussing those questionnaires that you filled in this morning. "It is wrong to make personal calls during work hours?" Now, some of you marked that you very strongly agree. But ideally you would've selected "totally agree."
Phyllis: I thought "very strongly agree" sounded stronger than "totally agree."
Holly: Corporate would like to emphasize that ideally you would all totally agree with that statement.

Pam: [on the phone] Come on, it won't be that bad.
Jim: Okay? You know what? Here we go. Uh. Everybody, just wanted to make an announcement. Pam and I are engaged.
Pam: [on speaker phone] Hi, everyone!
Oscar: I thought you were already engaged.
Jim: Nope.
Angela: That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy.
Jim: Thank you, Angela.
Kevin: I got a gift for Pam and Roy. Do I have to get another one?
Jim: Yes.
Andy: A little close to my engagement there, Tuna. What's your game here?
Jim: To get married.
Dwight K. Schrute: She's not a virgin, you know.
Pam: Wow.