‘Beach Games’
Season 3, Episode 23 - Aired May 10, 2007
After Michael is invited to apply for a job at Corporate, he decides to use the annual office beach trip to find a worthy successor for his role.
Quote from Michael Scott
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, where does it hurt?
Michael Scott: Just- All over. I don't want to do anything. I'm dying.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, that's not how it works. You have to point to a specific part of the body.
Michael Scott: Right there.
Dwight K. Schrute: Abdomen. Menses.
Michael Scott: Maybe.
Dwight K. Schrute: "The uterus contracts after your egg passes through it."
Michael Scott: Not it, I don't have eggs.
Dwight K. Schrute: So when did this start?
Michael Scott: About 10 minutes ago. I don't-
Dwight K. Schrute: When I came in with the paperwork?
Quote from Pam
Pam: About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Okay. Everybody have their towels and swimsuits? We have about an hour and a half. I suggest that you all go potty now, and then we will be congregating on the party bus.
Quote from Kevin
Kevin: [singing] And the night got deathly quiet And his face lost all expression Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy You gotta learn to play it right."
All: [singing] "You got to know when to hold 'em Know when to fold 'em Know when to walk away Know when to run You never count your money When you're sitting at the table There'll be time enough for counting When the dealing's done"
Quote from Michael Scott
Michael Scott: Everybody, may I have your attention, please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach.
Stanley: Oh, sweet mother of God.
Michael Scott: If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus.
Stanley: Excuse me?
Michael Scott: Or the front of the bus or drive the bus.
Quote from Dwight K. Schrute
Michael Scott: We are going to choose team names. Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: We will be called Gryffindor.
Jim: Really? Not Slytherin?
Dwight K. Schrute: Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim.
Jim: I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort.
Dwight K. Schrute: He Who Must Not Be Named? I wouldn't do that.
Jim: Voldemort. Voldemort.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, seriously-
Jim: Voldemort. Voldemort.
Dwight K. Schrute: You really shouldn't be saying Voldemort.
Quote from Stanley
Michael Scott: Stanley, your team name?
Stanley: I don't care what you call my team.
Michael Scott: Then I will name your team the Red Team.
Stanley: No, the Blue Team.
Quote from Stanley
Michael Scott: It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist.
Stanley: There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon.
Quote from Angela
Dwight K. Schrute: Sabotage.
Angela: What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich?
Dwight K. Schrute: No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team.
Angela: I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane.
Dwight K. Schrute: If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me.
Quote from Jim
Jim: Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes, ever. I thought that I might die. On Beach Day.