The Office Quotes

The Office

The Office

A mockumentary which follows the employees of the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch of a fictional paper company, Dunder Mufflin.

Starring: Steve Carell, Rainn Wilson, John Krasinski, Jenna Fischer, B.J. Novak, Ed Helms, Leslie David Baker, Brian Baumgartner, Kate Flannery, Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Phyllis Smith, Mindy Kaling, Paul Lieberstein, Creed Bratton, Craig Robinson, Ellie Kemper.
Original Run: 2005-2013.

Quote of the Day

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Quote from Dwight K. Schrute in Halloween

Dwight K. Schrute: Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.

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Quote from Michael Scott in Nepotism

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Quote from Michael Scott in Safety Training

Michael Scott: My life! Oh, my life!
Dwight K. Schrute: [through a megaphone] Michael, what's wrong?
Michael Scott: Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression!
Dwight K. Schrute: Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
Michael Scott: Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32,000 people commit suicide every year according to a 2004 study.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that the last year the data was available?
Michael Scott: Yes. My head is in such pain and turmoil.

Quote from Jim in Product Recall

[Jim arrives for work wearing glasses, a side-parting hair cut, and a pale yellow shirt:]
Jim: It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question, what kind of bear is best?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought.
Jim: Fact, bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight K. Schrute: Bears do not- What is going on? What are you doing?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Four dollars. And it only cost me $7 to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of $11.
[back:]
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: Michael!
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!

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Quote from Michael Scott in The Delivery

Michael Scott: [smoking a cigar] There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles, and find true love. And that is what I thought that Erin and Kevin were going to find today. I think I'm going to be sick.

Quote from Michael Scott in Andy's Play

Michael Scott: Andy, listen to me. Look me in the eye. I thought that you were awesome.
Andy: Stop just saying that.
Michael Scott: I am not just saying that. You can trust that I am telling you the truth. I booed someone tonight. I have no filter. And if I thought you were terrible, I would have booed. And if I thought you had done a better job, I would be saying nicer things right now. But I thought that you were exactly awesome. No better, no worse.
Andy: Thank you. That feels good.
Michael Scott: I did not say that to make you feel good. I just said it. Total integrity.

Quote from Michael Scott in Dunder Mifflin Infinity

Michael Scott: May I have your attention, please? This office will not be using any new technology ever, starting now.
Ryan: That is not correct.
Michael Scott: Ryan thinks that technology is the answer. Well, guess what? I just drove my car into a lake.
Oscar: You did what?
Michael Scott: I drove my car into a [beep] lake. Why, you may ask, did do this? Well because of a machine.
A machine told me to drive into a lake. And I did it. I did it because I trusted Ryan's precious technology. And look where it got me.
Jim: Into a lake.
Michael Scott: Exactly.