Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.

Dwight K. Schrute: I'm going to live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Mannheim is 103, and still puttering around down in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.

[Jim arrives for work wearing glasses, a side-parting hair cut, and a pale yellow shirt:]
Jim: It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question, what kind of bear is best?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought.
Jim: Fact, bears eat beets. Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight K. Schrute: Bears do not- What is going on? What are you doing?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Four dollars. And it only cost me $7 to recreate the rest of the ensemble and that's a grand total of $11.
[back:]
Dwight K. Schrute: You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Jim: Michael!
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, that's funny. Michael!

David: So, let me ask you a question right off the bat, what do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?
Michael Scott: Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard, I care too much, and sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
David: Okay. And your strengths?
Michael Scott: Well, my weaknesses are actually strengths.
David: Oh. Yes. Very good.
Michael Scott: There you go.

Michael Scott: I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself.
Jim: That's good.
Michael Scott: I wanna show you something. A lot of people in the room, you need more space voila. Right into the wall.
Jim: Wow.
Michael Scott: Sometimes, I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it. I love this TV.

Michael Scott: Everybody in here, stat. No time to lose. Cri-man squa, F and C, double-time.
Dwight K. Schrute: "Cri-man squa"?
Michael Scott: Crisis management squad.
Ryan: "F and C, double-time"?
Michael Scott: Front and center. Twice as fast as you would normally go. Any other questions?
Jim: One more. Why are you talking like that?
Michael Scott: To save time, Jim.
Karen: Actually, I think you could make the argument that it wastes time.
Pam: Yeah, she has a good point. I mean, for example, with the last thing you said, by the time you explained it-