Frankie: So, Morgan, how's school going?
Morgan: Fantastic. I just aced my AP Mandarin test. I told Axl to drop Spanish, so now he's taking it too.
Axl: [speaks Mandarin]
Frankie: Oh. I didn't know you dropped a class. So, what's wrong with Spanish?
Axl: Well...
Morgan: Nothing. It's just, everyone knows Chinese is the language of the future.
Frankie: Well. I didn't know that. Did you know that, Mike?
Mike: Yup.
Morgan: It also looks good on your transcript. I told Axl he needed to start thinking about things like that.
Frankie: It's not exactly like we never talk about that around here. I mean, we didn't just give birth to him and then walk away.

Morgan: Well, I told Axl...
Frankie: [v.o.] So it went for the next 20 minutes.
[montage:]
Morgan: I told Axl he should ask for a raise.
Morgan: I told Axl he should get those brakes fixed.
Morgan: I told Axl he should wear more shorts.
Morgan: I told Axl that eating too much takeout is bad for you.
Morgan: I told Axl...
Frankie: Well, I told Axl... [Mike grabs Frankie's hand] Would you like some broccoli?
Morgan: I'd love some.

Frankie: [v.o.] It was 3 in the morning, and I was way too worried to sleep. Mike could sense it.
Mike: [snores]
Frankie: [v.o.] Mike could sense it.
Frankie: Mike.
Mike: [wakes up] Where's my bat?
Frankie: She has way too much power over him, Mike.
Mike: Oh, God. See, that's why I knew dinner was a bad idea.

Mike: Frankie, Axl's 16. His brain's not even fully developed yet. Brick's chick has better judgment than he does, and it spent an hour trying to walk into a fan.
Frankie: Don't try to make me laugh. I'm worrying.
Mike: Oh, stop. This relationship doesn't mean anything. He's gonna date a million girls. Some of them you'll hate more than Morgan.
Frankie: Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Mike: Fine. You're hell-bent on worrying, I'll give you something to worry about. We had a meeting at work. They're cutting back on our health insurance. Night, honey.

Frankie: Okay, five-minute warning till we leave for the picnic.
Axl: Do I have to? Morgan's practice got canceled. What's she to do while I'm at a picnic?
Frankie: [v.o.] Play solitaire, find a new boyfriend, step in front of a bus?

Brick: Nothing. I mean, I shouldn't say anything bad about Morgan, right?
Frankie: Well, Brick, just because you're a child, doesn't mean your opinion is less than anyone else's. I'd hope you'd feel comfortable sharing any negative feelings you might have about Morgan.
Brick: I'm not a big fan.
Frankie: I know, right? She comes across all together and perfect, but trust me, I have heard things. She is manipulative, deceitful, two-faced...
Brick: Plus she sat on my bed and moved my books. Not cool. [cheeping] Yes, I'm watching you. That's great. Sorry. What was I saying? I'm wiped. He always wants to eat, play. I'm constantly cleaning up after him.
Frankie: Throw in a carpool and we'll talk.

Mike: The kids lost their cornhole partners. It's you and me on one side and Morgan and Axl on the other.
Frankie: [sobs] Okay.
Mike: Well, whose partner did you wanna be?
Frankie: No, you were right when you said that. Them on one side and us on the other. I heard her talking, Mike. I didn't wanna say anything, because I didn't wanna ruin a good time... but let's just say... Morgan loves her family more than she loves ours.
Mike: Well, shouldn't she?
Frankie: God. You don't get it. You have no instinct. A bear could carry our child off into the woods. You wouldn't even notice.
Mike: Why are you making yourself nuts here? I don't get it. I told you, there's nothing you can do. Accept it. This is out of your control.

Morgan: [to Axl] That's not how you say "I love you" in Mandarin. I told you, you have to study. You know I'm doing that semester in Hong Kong. And I told you, if you wanna go to Hong Kong with me, you're gonna have to practice.
[Frankie throws a cornhole at Morgan's face]
Frankie: [v.o.] Yeah, this time it wasn't in my head. This time I actually did it.
Frankie: Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
Axl: What did you do?
Frankie: What? Nothing. I never tried an overhand before. It got away from me. Oh, my God, Morgan, I am so, so sorry.
Morgan: I'm okay.
Axl: Let's get you in the shade.
Sue: Oh, my gosh. Is she gonna be okay? She has to be okay. Come on. Make a hole, people. My friend Morgan is coming through.
Mike: [Frankie smiles] I knew it.
Frankie: I'm not proud. But I sure feel better.

Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, it was petty and beneath me and it didn't change anything, but hey, losing control over your kids is a tough thing to accept, as Brick was about to find out.
Brick: I told my teacher Scout hatched, and she's making me bring him back. I'm worried Scout needs me. No matter how many times I tell him, he keeps running into that fan.
Frankie: I hear you, honey. It's tough being a parent. You watch them make mistakes, and there's not a thing you can do. Guess that's the only way they learn. Even though the mom is always right. You remember that when you're 16.

Mike: Hey, there's a message from Coach Giesken. You gotta send back your medical evaluation before summer practice starts.
Axl: Yeah, I don't know. Morgan told me I shouldn't play football next year seeing as how practice might cut into our summer together, so...
[later that night:]
Mike: But if he doesn't play, he'll never get a scholarship. And with no scholarship, he can kiss college goodbye. He'll end up in some crappy job, living in our basement, eating all our food and stealing beer money. I don't like her, Frankie. I just don't.
Mike: I know, I know.
Frankie: [v.o.] I slept surprisingly well that night... I think because nature made it that only one parent can worry at a time. Nature's smart that way. And the truth is, we didn't have to worry about Morgan for long. Axl continued to date the love of his life for three more weeks... until the new foreign-exchange student arrived from Finland.