Frankie: [v.o.] So, Axl spent a grand total of 27 hours at home - most of it sleeping - but it was all worth it when he came in and said...
Axl: Lates! I'm heading to Florida!
Frankie: Wait. So you're leaving now?
Axl: Yep. Driving straight through 'cause everyone's gonna meet in time to hit the beach tomorrow. Next time you see me, my flesh will be burnt to a crisp.

Frankie: So you're just gonna drive all night, then?
Axl: Yep.
Frankie: Did you check your car? Did you put new duct tape on the headlight? Do you have enough gas?
Axl: It's covered!
Frankie: So, do you have directions for where you're going?
Axl: [scoffs] I'm not an idiot. [chuckles] Huh?
Frankie: Wait, those are your directions?
Axl: It's a napkin with a map on it. It's a map-kin. Later.
Frankie: Okay, well, drive safe. And if you get tired, pull over. You're coming back Monday, right?
Axl: Yes!
Frankie: To this house?
Axl: We'll see.

Brick: Did someone order breakfast in bed?
Mike: [grunts] Whoa. I didn't know how many eggs you wanted, so I just made all of them.
Brick: We're gonna need to go to the store to buy more eggs for tomorrow's breakfast.
Mike: Tomorrow?
Brick: Yeah. You've got six more of these babies.
Mike: Ah. Mmm. [crunches] Hey.
Brick: This seems like a good time to redeem one of your joke coupons. Knock knock.
Mike: Who's there?
Brick: Wait. I-I think you're supposed to say "Knock knock."
Mike: Knock knock.
Brick: Hmm. That doesn't sound right, either. Let's try a different joke. A guy walks into a bar...
Mike: I hope it's me.

Axl: So... what happened?
Mechanic: Well, y'all cracked your engine block.
Axl: Hmm. So is that, like, a duct-tape situation? I mean, how much would it cost to fix something like that?
Mechanic: Ah, more than the car's worth.
Axl: Hmm. Here's the thing. Uh... this car was a graduation gift from my parents.
Mechanic: [chuckles] Oh, well, why didn't you say so? I can give you the graduation-gift special.
Axl: Really?
Mechanic: No.

Frankie: You are not gonna believe this. I just got a call from Axl. He took off for Florida without even checking his oil, and now his car is ruined, he's got no money, no way to get home, and he called me collect 'cause he forgot his phone charger.
Mike: Tell me, based on everything we know about Axl, why wouldn't I believe that?
Frankie: He wants us to come to Chattanooga and pick him up.
Brick: I wouldn't recommend walking on these boots for at least half an hour.
Mike: That's stupid. Why would you even think about doing that?
Frankie: Because he's our son and he's on the side of the road.
Mike: He's Mr. Smart Guy. He got himself into this. Let him get himself out.
Frankie: You're right. He's horrible. He is disrespectful. There's no reason anyone should lift a finger to help him. And now I'm... getting in my car to go get him.

Mike: Damn it, Brick.
Brick: Sorry. I was trying to finish another coupon.
Mike: [sighs] Enough with the damn coupons. Nobody cares about the coupons. Parents only pretend to like them 'cause they don't want their kids to feel bad. All I'm trying to do is enjoy this vacation that I didn't want to take in the first place. And I can't even do that 'cause every time I turn around, you're... polishing my boots or singing me to sleep or trying to kill me with a lawn mower. The only coupon I want is unlimited leave-me-alone time. And if you could read anyone's reaction to anything, you would get that. Gah! Your mom is wrong. You're way weirder than I am.

Mike: Look, I'm, uh... sorry I yelled at you about those coupons. I appreciate you wanting to spend time with me and do all those nice things. I enjoy spending time with you, too.
Brick: Oh. I don't care about spending time with you.
Mike: You don't?
Brick: I just want to get those coupons off my plate. I mean, after all, I did give them to you, so those are services I legally have to render. And frankly, I don't want them hanging over my head. I don't want to be in some important business meeting someday and get pulled out to give you a scalp massage.
Mike: [sighs] Brick, I was never gonna hold you to those coupons. If you want to just tear them all up, be my guest.
Brick: Really?
Mike: Yeah. Far be it from me to interrupt any important business meeting you might be running.
Brick: Thanks, Dad. And it's not that I don't want to spend time with you. It's just... I don't want to feel obligated. I-I think it would be better if we let things happen naturally.
Mike: Okay.
Brick: Huh. Look at this. We did 99 hugs. We were only one away.
Mike: Well, want to knock out number 100 right now?
Brick: Nah, I'm good.
Mike: Me too.

Frankie: I don't know how to do this anymore, Axl.
Axl: Do what?
Frankie: This. I mean, you say you want me to treat you like an adult. You want to do whatever you want, go wherever you want, you don't want me asking you any questions, but you want me to come and pick you up when your car breaks down. I mean, I'm confused. Am I your mom? Am I not your mom? I-I-I don't know what you want from me.
Axl: You could've left me some chips.
Frankie: [sighs] You know, just be honest with me. And, really, I don't even care what your answer is. When you were staying with the Donahues, did you think I'd be mad? Did you think I'd be hurt?
Axl: I don't know. I guess I wasn't really thinking about you at all.
Frankie: [sighs] Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

Brick: Hi, Dad. So, I was thinking, since we're both on vacation, that it'd be a good time for you to redeem all your coupons.
Mike: What coupons?
Brick: All those coupons I made for you over the years. You know, for Father's Day, your birthday, and whatnot.
Mike: Oh. Wow. Brick, uh... those were great, but I'm I don't even know where they are.
Brick: You don't know where they are?
Mike: No. Uh, they're... You know, uh, obviously very special to me. I bet your mom put them somewhere.
Brick: Well, where do you think she put them?
Mike: I don't know, but they're definitely not between me and the TV. [Mike waves Brick aside with the remote] There you go.

Sue: Whatcha working on?
Brad: I'm banging out a scathing review of my cardio barre class on Yelp. I used to have this awesome teacher named Dan who totally rocked. I mean, he really pushed me. I just wanted to please him. Then they replaced him with Colleen, and I am sorry Colleen just does not get me going like Dan.