Frankie: Axl, you're coming straight home after school to work on your Aztec report.
Axl: God. Chill. I'm on it.
Frankie: Oh, are you? "12 to 15 pages, double spaced. No fewer than six color charts or graphs, bound in an Oxford ReadyClip clear-front report cover." Listen, Mr. Gottlieb is tough. He's not gonna pass you so you can play basketball.
Axl: Yeah, I know. Parents need to talk to him. He's got no school spirit.
Frankie: Axl, this is 40 percent of your grade. You do get that's almost half, right?
Axl: The paper's not even due for, like, a week. God, you treat me like a little kid. I'm practically an adult.
Frankie: In what way? You don't make your food. You don't buy your own clothes. You don't even remember to flush the toilet unless I remind you.
Axl: I'm almost old enough to go to war.
Frankie: Not if we wanna win, you're not.

Axl: Dad, how do you live with her?
Mike: By doing what she says. You will do the same.
Axl: Ugh, you are so annoying. You live to make me miserable.
Mike: [to Frankie] Maybe we should call that one a write-off and just work on the others.

Frankie: [v.o.] Mike was getting ready for his first night on the job, and I'd gone three whole days without screaming at my kids. Hard to say who was more miserable. Ah, hell, it was me.
Frankie: I'm itchy, my stomach aches, and my jaw hurts from all the clenching. God, I wanna yell. I wanna yell so bad.
Mike: Ah, you're just going through withdrawal.
Frankie: Mike, it's not that I enjoy yelling. I do it for the children.
Mike: That's what junkies do. Anything to justify the next fix.
Frankie: Pretty tough talk coming from a guy with a cupcake on his shirt.
Mike: Hmm. All I'm saying is, whatever happened to the whole trust circle thing?
Frankie: It's a trust-respect oval... And what happened is, is that it's a load of crap.

Frankie: [v.o.] So yeah, Mike thought the kids had grown up. But frankly, he said that as soon as we brought them home from the hospital. But then...
Frankie: Brick, where'd you get that hat? I thought you didn't have one.
Brick: Got it myself. Wore it to hat day. Was the coolest kid in school. [whispers] Coolest kid.

Frankie: Brick. Can you sit with the baby while I get dressed?
Brick: That might not be a good idea. It could get my lice.
Frankie: Your what?
Brick: Oh, yeah. My teacher told me to give you this note.
Frankie: Brick, where did you get that hat?
Brick: Well, you forgot to remind me to take a hat on Tuesday, so I didn't have one. But then I saw this homeless guy going through the trash. So I traded him my banana for it. [whispers] Banana.
Frankie: Oh, my God, Brick. Take that thing off and put it in the trash. Everybody stay away from Brick's head.

Frankie: Axl, I need your help. We have to burn all the sheets and scrub the house down.
Axl: Can't. Aztec paper's due tomorrow.
Frankie: What? I thought that was due next week.
Axl: Yeah. I wrote that down wrong.
Frankie: You're just starting to work on this now? I told you this is 40 percent of your grade. It's your future.
Axl: That's why I've been working on it for the last hour.
Frankie: Do you even have all the supplies you need? Look, it says specifically "an Oxford ReadyClip clear-front report cover."
Axl: Don't we have one of those?
Frankie: I told you. If I can't steal it from Ehlert's, we don't have it.
Axl: Okay, I admit it. I screwed up. Go ahead, yell at me.
Frankie: Oh, you'd like that now, wouldn't you? Well, I don't have the luxury. I've 11 minutes to get to Office Warehouse before it closes. I cannot believe how irresponsible you are. Watch this baby.

Bob: It's my fault. I got on her nerves. I texted her every 10 minutes.
Mike: Look, Bob, there's a lot of girls in the world.
Bob: Oh, sure, says the seven-foot god. What's wrong with me?
Mike: I don't know. Sometimes you're a little needy.
Bob: Oh, my God, I'm needy?!

Frankie: Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So are you two getting serious?
Bob: Well, if by "serious" you mean... madly in love, I'd have to say guilty.
Frankie: Yay.
Bob: Yeah, yeah. Here's another one. I can't show you that one. It's private.
Frankie: Okay.
Bob: Here's a good one. I'll forward it to your phone.
Frankie: Oh, no. My phone cost, like, a dollar. It doesn't do any of that stuff.
Bob: Oh, sure it does. [phone beeps] See.
Frankie: Oh, my God. I had no idea. Oh, you sent me the wrong one.
Bob: Oh, yeah, okay. And it takes pictures. Smile. And movies.
Frankie: No way.
Bob: Yeah, you can make your own movies, put faces on thimbles, act out your prom the way it should have gone. It's very cathartic. I hear.

Frankie: Axl, why is your textbook in the exact same position it was in this morning? It hasn't moved.
Axl: There. It's moved. Happy?
Frankie: Hey. You watch your tone, mister.
Axl: What tone? You're always imagining this tone. Ugh, God. Why do you have to ride me all the time?
Frankie: [v.o.] And then I got an idea. A brilliant, glorious idea. I would film my kids and show them what they sounded like.
Axl: ...until you achieve total mind control?

Frankie: Honey. Can you please not twirl in the house?
Sue: Well, where am I supposed to do it? It's too cold outside and my fingers freeze up. And if I can't practice, then I won't make the team, and it will be all your fault!