‘The Wind Chimes’
Season 5, Episode 19 - Aired April 23, 2014
Frankie tries to convince her neighbor Rita Glossner (Brooke Shields) to take down wind chimes that are keeping her up all night. Axl and Hutch find a discarded couch which will be perfect for when they live together. Brick tries to come up with new flavors of pretzels that he can suggest to the manufacturer. Meanwhile, Sue informs her family that she and Darrin are dating.
Quote from Brick
Brick: Okay, it wasn't easy, but I believe I have some real winners here. Cinnamon-roll pretzels.
Frankie: Done.
Brick: Fire-roasted chipotle.
Frankie: Done.
Brick: Garlic, sun-dried tomato, parmesan.
Frankie: Done.
Brick: Ah! Why are they coming to me for ideas? They've already thought of everything! The chimes, the chimes. I can't think!
Quote from Frankie
Rita Glossner: You got a problem with my wind chimes?
Frankie: Oh, h-hey, Rita. Oh, did you hear that, too? Yeah, I think it came from the Norwoods. Paula's kind of a hothead.
Rita Glossner: I know it was you. I recognized your monkey chatter.
Frankie: Oh. Gee. Did I do that? Well, you see, I-I'm a sleep yeller. I yell in my sleep. It's really rare. I'm gonna be in a book about it.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Oh! Those chimes just don't stop! You know, it was cute at first, but after a while, it just gets annoying. Kind of like kids.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Mike, wake up. Do you hear that?
Mike: I didn't before you took the pillow off my head.
Frankie: People need their sleep. It's the only time we get a break from our lives. [shouts out the window] Hey, shut up your stupid wind chimes! People are trying to sleep!
Mike: Well, at least I didn't hear the wind chimes for a second there while you were yelling.
Frankie: I'm sorry, but it's noise pollution, Mike. Plain and simple noise pollution. You know, the media is partly to blame 'cause they never report on it. It's not sexy, like air pollution or water pollution.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Hey, guys, don't spoil your appetite with junk. As soon as I find the hair dryer, I'm microwaving taquitos. Ooh, listen. Oh, that's pretty. Somebody got wind chimes. Hmm.
Quote from Sue
Sue: Thanks for hanging out at the mall and then driving me home.
Darrin: I could watch you make potatoes all day.
Sue: I could watch you watch me make potatoes all day. Sorry they called security on you. You were there a long time. I wish I could ask you in, but that's the price you pay when you're keeping your relationship a secret.
Darrin: No, you're right. Once everyone finds out, it always seems to get messed up. It's like people are threatened by our joy.
Sue: That's why it's critical that absolutely no one finds out about us.
Quote from Sue
Sue: I'm in love with Darrin, and I need to shout it from the rooftop!
Frankie: Wait -- what?
Sue: We didn't want anyone pulling us apart, so we've been keeping it a secret. It's been so hard!
Frankie: How long has this been going on?
Sue: Since prom last night. I just think about Darrin all the time. And when he's not around, I just miss him so much. How do you bear the burning ache when you're apart from Dad all day?!
Frankie: I'm not gonna say it's easy.
Sue: It really feels right this time. In fact, when he kissed me, I heard bells.
Brick: If that's the case, then we're all in love with Darrin.
Quote from Axl
Hutch: Hey, and when the game's on, we can put down plastic and fill this full of hot wings.
Axl: Ooh! And when you want to dump the bones, just lift it out like a garbage liner.
Hutch: It's a bowl and a trash can. The bowl-can. The trash-owl.
Axl: Eh...
Hutch: We'll come up with a name later.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Hey, Mike. Listen to this.
Mike: No.
Frankie: You haven't even heard it yet. I'm writing a letter to Rita Glossner.
Mike: Exactly. No.
Frankie: No, it's not a regular letter. It's on nice stationery, and I'm dropping it off with a box of candy. I mean, think about it. Nobody treats Rita like this. Nobody breaks out the good stationery and gives her chocolates. They just have her arrested.
Mike: Not gonna work, Frankie.
Frankie: Well, I got to do something. Just listen. "Dear, Rita, thanks so much for having us over to your super-fun front-yard pool party last summer. I feel bad we haven't reciprocated. When the weather is less windy, we'd like to have you over. Oh, and speaking of wind --" See what I did there? "Would you mind taking down your wind chimes? That'd be great. Thanks, neighbor. Also, my husband has diverticulitis, and the noise isn't good for that."
Mike: Don't drag me into this. I don't have that.
Frankie: Well, you might. Something's making you crabby. Anyway, it's worth a shot.
Quote from Axl
Axl: This is nice.
Hutch: Yeah. Good couch-to-foot ratio.
Axl: I am in complete agreement. This is a good sign for next year. We are gonna be good roommates. [they fist-bump]
Hutch: Oh, yeah. Hey, you want to watch Revenge?
Axl: Hells yeah! [Hutch pulls out his cell phone]