Darrin: A little warmer... Warmer... A little cooler. Cold... Now you're freezing. A little less freezing. [Sue gasps]
Frankie: Here.
Sue: [gasps] Darrin, what is this? Pioneer Galaxy Jewelers? At the mall?! That place is fancy! They have a security guard and everything!
Darrin: Open it.
Sue: [inhales sharply] Oh, my God. It's a necklace... With a heart and key...
Darrin: It's because she holds the key to my heart.
Brick: Yeah, Darrin, we get it.

Hutch: I'm telling you... we're gonna have to get a couple roommates if we want to pay off these bills.
Axl: A couple? [scoffs] We need 20. Wait... That's a great idea. That frat house down the street... it's the same size as ours, and they're jammed with people. That could be us! If we had 20 people paying rent, we wouldn't have to pay a dime. We'd be making money.
Hutch: Man, I don't want to live with a bunch of dudes.
Axl: So we let dudes and girls in. Hmm? It'd be like a fraternity and a sorority... a "fratority."
Hutch: Oh, hell, yes! What are we gonna call it?
Axl: Well, it should have our names in it. [chuckles] But we need to throw some Greek letters at it so people know it's legit.
Hutch: Hmm.
Axl: Hmm.
Hutch: Hmm.
Axl: Hmm.
Hutch: [snap fingers] I got it. How about this? Hutch Axl Pi. Everybody loves Hutch... Everybody loves Axl... And you know everybody loves pie. Huh?

Brad: Dad, you've got to kno... Oh, hi, Sue!
Sue: Brad, I just did something so crazy! You'll never guess what!
Brad: [gasps] You dressed up as the opposite gender and went out in public?
Sue: No, even crazier. I stole Darrin's phone.
Brad: [gasps] Okay, I have two questions and one comment. How'd you do it? J'adore that hoodie. It makes your eyes pop. And why'd you steal your boyfriend's phone?

Sue: Well, Darrin was being so amazing to me during the week of Sue with all the presents, including... [reveals necklace]
Brad: [gasps] Love!
Sue: I know, right? So now I want to do something nice for him, so I stole his phone to find a picture of the two of us, and I want to get it put... on a blanket.
Brad: Oh, my God! You two would look so cute on a blanket!
Sue: [squealing] I know! Here. Help me look for a photo. Uh... No... Unh-unh... Ew, my hair looks bad... Still had braces...
Brad: Hold on. Is that Angel? Why does he have a picture of his ex on his phone?
Sue: Oh, Brad, it's fine. Wait a minute. What is she wearing? Doesn't that look like the exact same necklace he gave me? Oh, my God. He gave a key to his heart to Angel and then he gave a key to his heart to me? I thought this was the key to his heart, but apparently he made duplicates.
Brad: Now, Sue, if this is true, it's devastating and would definitely destroy your relationship, but let's not go there yet.

Frankie: Hey. What are you doing here?
Axl: Did you know you have to pay for Wi-Fi?
Frankie: Yeah. I know.
Axl: Well, I didn't 'cause everything here is free.
Frankie: [chuckles] For you, maybe. And by the way, if you're gonna be living here next summer, we're gonna start making you pay for stuff.
Axl: Yeah, like you're gonna follow through on that.

Frankie: Okay. Ooh! What's this? Wow. A whole dining-room table with chairs for only $52.
Axl: [chuckling] Yeah. I'm not spending $52.
Frankie: [scoffs] This is a steal! Look... matched set, solid maple, perfect condition. That's amazing! I can't believe it's only 52 bucks.
Axl: Aren't you past the age where you get excited about stuff?
Frankie: Absolutely, but come on. Imagine how great that would look in our dining room. Oh, it's so pretty.
Frankie: [v.o.] Now, I know we already have a dining-room table, but seriously, if you'd seen the crap that it's been through...
[flashback: Axl loses control of the electric knife while carving a turkey]
[flashback: young Brick uses a permanent market to write "Happy Birthday Mom" on a thin piece of paper]
[flashback: after Sue's nail polish drips on to the table, she knocks over the nail polish remover as she goes to tidy up the mess]
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, there's a reason why we always have a tablecloth on it.

Mike: Let's get it.
Frankie: What? What are you talking about? We're not gonna get it.
Mike: Who says? Let... [scoffs] Let's do it. Why not?
Frankie: Mike, we're trying to save for college, and we already have a table.
Mike: We'll give it to Axl. It's already wrecked anyway.
Frankie: Are you serious?
Mike: Yeah, I am. We've been working our butts off. It's our 20-something-th anniversary. And besides, the next time we splurge on something made of wood, it'll probably be coffins.
Frankie: Oh!
Mike: Come on. It'll be our gift to each other.
Frankie: [sighs] But it seems so extravagant. I mean, can we really do that?
Mike: Frankie, you've been complaining about that table since the day we got it. You hate that thing. Come on, 20-something years is long enough. You've done your time.
Frankie: Really? We're gonna do it? [Mike gives her a thumbs up] Oh, my God! We're gonna do it! Ooh, I got to get that thing. It's gonna get snatched up.

Darrin: Oh, hey. I wanted to call you, but I can't find my phone.
Sue: Yeah, I know. I have it.
Darrin: Oh, great.
Sue: No, not great, Darrin. I stole it to find a picture of the two of us so I could make you a photo blanket because you were being so sweet to me during the Week of Sue.
Darrin: You're gonna make me a photo blanket? I love photo blankets.
Sue: Yeah, I know, Darrin. Everybody does. It's a photo on a blanket. It is a great idea!

Darrin: This is weird. It's like you're saying nice things, but I get the feeling you're mad.
Sue: Yeah, you know, actually, I am mad. When I went through your phone, I found a picture of Angel wearing the exact same necklace you gave me.
Darrin: Oh. Is that bad?
Sue: Well, it's not good! You told me this was the key to your heart, and then I find out you already gave the key to your heart to somebody else!
Darrin: You know it's not really the key to my heart, right?
Sue: But it's supposed to be a symbol of your love. You know, I was so excited that my boyfriend got a special necklace just for me, and then I find out it's just some thing you give to anybody you date.
Darrin: Look, it's only 'cause I'm really bad at buying presents. When I got Angel the necklace, she really liked it, so I thought you would, too. I mean, my mom really likes hers.
Sue: Oh, my God! Your mom, too?! You know, that's a lot of keys to your heart, Darrin! Why even bother locking it if everybody's got one?!
Darrin: Sue...
Sue: No! Just forget it! Forget it, Darrin! It is over! Here, take your stupid necklace back, and your phone! By the way, your dentist appointment got changed to 4:00.

Axl: Oh, this looks sweet! Check it out... the table fits perfectly here. I always wondered what that light was for.
Hutch: [chuckles] Hey, and did you see the car mats I put in front of the toilet?
Axl: Oh, yeah. Those are classy. And they really soak up the pee. Did you notice I put the bathroom door back on its hinges?
Hutch: I think we'll both appreciate that.
Axl: Oh, yeah. We classed the crap out of this place. [laughs] Everybody's gonna want to be a part of Hutch Axl Pi.