Sue: Well, you will not believe what happened to me today.
Mike: Not if it's something good, we won't.
Sue: I met with my college counselor at lunch today, and she told me that Wrestlerettes doesn't count for a P.E. credit because I, quote, "made it up."
Frankie: Well, you did kind of make it up.
Sue: Yeah, but everything was made up at some point... soccer, rugby, golf. Golf? What even is that?
Frankie: Wait. Is she saying this is gonna delay your graduating?
Mike: College or not, let me know. It'll decide if I use copper or duct tape down here.
Sue: Oh, I am graduating. I-I will go to P.E. I will do whatever it takes. But if they give me any pushback, I will start throwing some serious sergeant-at-arms weight around.

Mike: You seen my wallet?
Frankie: Oh, no.
Mike: Oh, yes. I can't find my wallet. I checked my car, my desk. I-it's not anywhere. Are you sure you didn't go on one of your cleaning binges, where everything ends up in a different drawer?
Frankie: [chuckling] Oh, you got me. Place looks amazing, doesn't it? It's really coming together.
Mike: Damn it. All my credit cards are in there, my license. I've had that wallet since I was a kid. I love that wallet. It's one of the only things I care about.
Frankie: Oh...
Mike: I said "one of the only."

Frankie: Well, where did you have it last?
Mike: [sighs] That is the world's stupidest question. If I knew, I'd have it.
Frankie: Don't get mad at me. I'm just trying to help.
Mike: Well, you're not helping. This is nuts. I don't lose stuff. You're the one who loses stuff.
Frankie: Hey, I don't lose things any more than anybody else.
Mike: Really? Where's the blue bag, Frankie?
Frankie: It's not lost. We had it when we were at Disney World. And it's around here somewhere.
[shot of birds landing on the blue bag next to a "Welcome to Orlando" sign]
Mike: Your keys, the checkbook, your sunglasses, the remote, the keys, the snack bag, your keys... Oh, and...
Frankie: Don't you say my car.
Mike: Did you not lose your car?

Mike: I'm losing my mind. Now I can't find my keys.
Sue: Oh, no. Did you check the sink hole?
Mike: Really not something people should have to say.

Frankie: Hey, hey, hey, hey! I told you... not out of a glass, out of the carton. My back is killing me from doing floor dishes. We're using minimal dishes, people. No unnecessary dishes! Breakfast!
Sue: Move over. I need to get to school.
Brick: No. Hey, no skimming! Axl's skimming the top so he can get all the marshmallow charms. He's gonna get all the luck.
Mike: We're drinking from a hose, Brick. That ship has sailed.

Sue: I said move! I need to get there early so I can practice my tinikling so I can pass P.E. so I can get to college so I can be the generation that does better than my parents because apparently my entire future depends on whether I can jump through a couple of frickin' sticks!
Axl: Ugh. Gah.
Frankie: Have you ever thought of asking to be the stick person instead of the dancing, tripping, falling person?

Mike: Can I make one small request? Now that we're washing dishes in the tub, can we not have spaghetti?
Frankie: [sighs] I told Brick to scrape them first. What was he, raised in a barn?

Brick: Axl, Dad's about to mow the lawn and I can't find his wallet or his keys. Oh, God, why did I ever listen to you?
Axl: Hey, stealing Dad's wallet, then returning it to him to become a hero was a rock-solid plan. If you can't pull that off, that's on you.
Brick: I should never have done this. I'm not cut out for a life of crime. I don't have your deviousness.
Axl: Or my good looks, but let's not start naming everything, or we'll be here all day.

Mike: Well, let me check to see if everything is still here. Ah! The credit card that's making payments on the other two credit cards... still here. That's good.

Frankie: I can't believe you've had another woman against your butt cheek for all these years.
Sue: To think... every time I've taken money out of his wallet, there was another mom lurking in there.
Mike: Look, it doesn't mean anything other than I'm too lazy to clean out my wallet.
Axl: I'm with you, Dad. It's good to have a backup.
Frankie: Look, you should take it out, Mike. That's what people do. What if you got in an accident and they're looking through your wallet and they're like, "Which one is his wife?" "I don't know. Which one is she?" Who do you want picking you up from the hospital?
Mike: Nobody. Just let me die in peace.