Rusty: Okay. Time for you to take the wheel. [shifts gears]
Brick: What?
Rusty: Well, you gotta learn to drive some time, don't you?
Brick: Um, don't I have to be 16?
Rusty: [chuckles] Who says?
Brick: The state does. I don't have a license.
Rusty: Oh. Me neither. I like to keep off the grid.

Rusty: All right. Let's do it.
Brick: Does this really seem like a good idea? I mean, Mom won't even let me make toast.
Rusty: Oh, come on now. Put her in drive. There you go. Now give it a little gas.
Brick: I'm so nervous.
Rusty: Well, there's nothing to be nervous about. Worst-case scenario, we both die, and that's gonna happen at some point anyway. [engine rumbling] [tires screech] Okay.
Brick: [chuckles] I'm driving! [whispers] Driving.
Rusty: Okay, now keep your eye on the road! Jeez, I learned that lesson the hard way. Hey, this is kind of embarrassing, but, uh, could you give me your name one more time? Is it...

Brick: Hey, Dad. We had the best day. Uncle Rusty took me out of school, and we ate ribs, and I bowled a 39. I learned that I do not like beer, though. [throws Rusty the car keys]
Rusty: Oh. [laughs] He did pretty well. Oversteered a little bit, but that's why you gotta-
Mike: Not let him drive? What, are you nuts?
Rusty: Oh. Oh, he was fine. Dad let us drive. We turned out okay.
Mike: You wanna rephrase that?
Rusty: Okay, uh... Dad let we drive. Us turned out okay. Is that what you're looking for, grammar police?

Mike: Rusty, you can't disappoint a kid, then make up for it by stuffing him with ribs and taking him out to do something illegal and dangerous.
Rusty: Oh. [chuckles] Brick's happy.
Mike: Sure, until the next thing comes along that you miss. Look, you're in and out of our lives, and I get tired of making excuses about where you are or why you're not around. The kids ask about you. I say, "Oh, you know Uncle Rusty," but they don't.
Rusty: Brick. [clears throat] Listen, uh... You know, just 'cause I don't, uh, show up for things, well, that-- that doesn't mean that I don't care for you.
Brick: Hey, I got ribs, bowling, a driving lesson, and extra credit. I'm all good.
Rusty: Yeah. [to Mike] Same goes for you.

Mike: Sorry about lacrosse, Sue. Did you leave the tag on that stick?
Sue: Yep.
Mike: Attagirl.

Axl: Mom! Dad is totally out of control! He says I'm grounded and no video games! Tell him he can't double up on punishments like that.
Mike: I can when you double up on being a moron.
Axl: Oh, my God. What would you do if one of your friends challenged you to drive blindfolded?
Mike: Get smarter friends?
Axl: [sighs and inhales deeply] You know, I'm not gonna share my accomplishments with you anymore if this is how you guys react!

Bob: Frankie, guess what? In the Orson Community Theater's upcoming production of The Wizard Of Oz, I have just been cast as... The Mayor of Munchkinland.
Frankie: [gasps] Wow!
Bob: I have lines and everything. Hey, uh, would your kids be interested in trying out? They're looking for Munchkins. We've only got three. Not very much of a land. [chuckles]
Frankie: Nah, it's not really Axl and Brick's thing, and Sue's already tried out for so much stuff this year, if she didn't make something else, it could send her over the edge.
Bob: Oh, kids don't have to audition. Everybody gets in.
Frankie: Everybody?
Bob: Everybody.

Frankie: What are you doing?
Axl: Snapping pennies. Hey, it's your fault. You took away my video games, and now I'm forced to come up with a way to entertain myself. It's pretty sweet, actually. Six holes in every screen. 13 screens. If I get 'em all... [singsongy] I'm the winner.
Frankie: [chuckles] I think that's a matter of opinion.

Frankie: Hey, Sue. Guess what? I heard today that the Orson Community Theater is doing Wizard Of Oz, and they really need more teenagers to be Munchkins. What do you say? It could be fun, huh?
Sue: I don't know. I kinda had my heart set on trying out for drill team.
Frankie: Well, drill team is really cool. I mean, everybody knows that, but the great thing about the play is, all kids get in. They take everybody.
Sue: Everybody?
Frankie: Everybody.
Sue: Well, I guess it could be fun. Yay, I'm in a play!

Frankie: What? What's the problem?
Gene: Frankie, she's got crazy eyes.
Frankie: Crazy eyes? It's like she's having a panic attack in her eyes.