‘The Optimist’
Season 5, Episode 20 - Aired April 30, 2014
Sue is stressing out as she tries to earn a scholarship to help page for college in a couple of years. Mike confronts one of Brick's classmates after it appears she is bullying him. Meanwhile, Axl and Hutch try to gain weight to ensure they're picked for the football team next year.
Quote from Axl
Olson: What's up, ladies?
Axl: Dude, Olson, what happened? You're huge.
Hutch: Yeah, it looks like you ate Skinny Olson.
Olson: Yeah, well, Coach gave us that big speech that if we want to play next year, we got to bulk up, remember?
Axl: Yeah, but we're not getting weighed in until right before Spring Scrimmage.
Olson: Which is next week.
Axl: I got to buy a calendar.
Quote from Sue
Sue: "Trains A and B are traveling in the same direction on parallel tracks."
Axl: 66, 67, 68...
Sue: "Train A is traveling at 60 miles per hour, and train B is traveling at 70."
Axl: 69, 70, 71... ...72
Sue: Axl, I am trying to concentrate. Okay, "Train B is traveling 12 minutes behind."
Hutch: 14.
Sue: "If train B is 15 minutes behind--"
Hutch: 15.
Sue: No, wait. No, no-- Mom! Help. It's impossible to do math while they're doing that.
Frankie: Listen, I just addressed a reminder card to a train going 60 miles an hour, so why don't you all pipe down?
Quote from Axl
Axl: All right. Time for a weigh-in. What? It says I only gained half a pound.
Hutch: What? It says I lost a pound. I'm getting skinnier.
Axl: Okay. We're obviously burning way too many calories, so... New strategy. No physical activity of any kind. We just ride the couch and eat.
Quote from Frankie
Mickey: Okay. No smoking. Do not go under the water. And you got to wear your suits at all times. Are either one of you pregnant?
Frankie: That's sweet of you to ask, but no.
Mickey: Mm. All right, here's your towels. Uh, gonna need a $2 deposit and a, you know, driver's license or a bus pass. All right. Thanks. All right, your two hours start now.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: Come on, Sue. Let's just jump in.
Sue: Mom, I don't think you completely comprehend the amount of work that I have. I-I just keep thinking about every second that I am wasting.
Frankie: Sue, you have your whole life to turn into a stressed-out mess. Trust me. Now, come on... I know this isn't exactly what we pictured, but let's enjoy it. We haven't even gotten our bountiful hors d'oeuvre platter yet.
Mickey: Here's your complimentary cheese platter. Do you guys mind doubling up on a fork?
Frankie: Are you sure that's it? 'Cause we paid for the $15.99 Deluxe Package.
Mickey: Right. Yep. [removes crackers and candy from his pockets] And... there you go. All right. Deluxe. [disco music plays] [Frankie and Sue laugh]
Quote from Frankie
Sue: Okay. This one I call the twisted dolphin.
Frankie: Ooh, head above water! Head above the water!
Sue: Whoo. Hey, maybe I'll get a scholarship for water ballet.
Frankie: Oh, yeah. See, Sue? This is what I'm talking about. No 17-year-old kid should be stressing out the way you've been lately. There's plenty of time for that when you're destroying your boss's dental business.
Quote from Dr. Goodwin
Dr. Goodwin: It's good to see you, Mrs. Parker.
Mrs. Parker: Well, I would have been here sooner. But for some reason, I never got my... [Frankie puts the anesthetic mask on Mrs. Parker]
Frankie: Wow. She went out fast, huh?
Dr. Goodwin: Oh. Well, hey, now that she's under, I guess we have time to sing those songs we wrote for each other. I'll start. [sings] Frankie, oh, Heck The things you do for this office Frankie You bet you're helping everyone of us [talks] There's more... [sings] From your typing and your filing to your alphabetizing...