Mike: Can I see that?
Frankie: I... Uh...
Mike: Ahem. Let me see that.
Frankie: What? It's a receipt. So what? You don't need to see it. Is that how it is now, Ricky Ricardo? You have to see all my receipts when I come home?
Mike: When you dive on it like it's a live grenade, yeah, I wanna see.

Mike: A hundred and twelve bucks for one pair of jeans?
Frankie: Well, most of that is tax.
Mike: Frankie, are you kidding? Tell me there's another man somewhere supporting you.
Frankie: Okay, I know it's crazy. It's completely crazy. But this is about Sue and her self-esteem.
Mike: I just gave Axl a lecture about how he's gotta work for things, and you just waltz in and buy her a pair of jeans that cost more than all my pants put together?
Frankie: Okay, I wouldn't expect you to understand.
Mike: Good. Because I don't.

Sue: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I did not not make drama club.
Mike: Oh, well, you'll get them next time, honey.
Sue: No, I said not not. I didn't not make it yet. I still almost maybe did make it. I got a callback. [screams]
Frankie: Honey, that's great.
Sue: Yeah. [runs off]

Mike: Oh, right. The magic jeans got her a callback.
Frankie: No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous. The jeans gave her the confidence she needed to nail the audition and get the callback. Kind of like that jersey you always wear when you watch the Colts.
Mike: Well, that's not magic, that's science.

Axl: Hey. I need to meet some friends at Pizza Pan. Oh, right. If someone bought me a car like other people buy people jeans, I guess I could drive myself, but if you wanna play favorites with your kids then I guess I'm gonna need a ride when you guys go out tonight. Big drag for you.
[later, in the car:]
Axl: Also, if I had my own car, I could take Sue to the orthodontist, and look for that dog that Brick is going to lose. I mean, I'm just thinking about you. Why don't you get that?

Frankie: Who's that girl waving to us?
Axl: Uh, it's nobody, see you later. [Mike locks the doors] Oh, come on, let me out.
Mike: Not till you tell us who that girl is.
Axl: How should I know?
Frankie: Wow, she seems very friendly. [waves] Hi.
Mike: Sure is. [waves] Hi, friendly stranger.
Axl: Oh, God. Please, would you just stop. She's just some girl I've kind of been seeing. Let me out. Let me out, please.
Frankie: See, if we had given you a car, we would never have found out about this. What's her name? Where'd you meet?
Axl: Kate. School. She's an excellent student and a good influence on me. Can I get out now?

Mike: Wait a minute. I think, Frankie, we should meet this Kate.
Frankie: Definitely gotta meet her.
Axl: Fine. Just don't say anything moronic like, "Nice to meet you." Or, "Pleasure to meet you." Or, "Good to meet you."
Frankie: Wouldn't dream of it.
Axl: Uh... Kate. Some people who gave birth to me. People. Kate.
Kate: It's so nice to meet you.
Frankie: You too.
Axl: Okay, this has been awkward. Let's go. [they walk away]
Frankie: Wow. She's pretty.
Mike: Boat-show-model pretty.

Frankie: Oh, my God. You wanna buy Axl a car because the girl he's dating is hot.
Mike: Did you not hear the boy? She's also an excellent student and a good influence on him.
Frankie: You are so full of it.
Mike: Frankie, you can't pick up a girl like that in your parents' car. It's just not cool.
Frankie: Oh, you think it's important that he be cool?
Mike: Look, you don't know what it's like for a boy. If you don't have a car, you're nothing.
[flashback to a young Mike arriving at a girl's door on a bicycle. After he rings his bell, she opens the door, takes one look at him and goes back inside]
Frankie: Oh, my God, after all the grief you gave me about those jeans.
Mike: Jeans are dumb. A car is freedom.
Frankie: Fine. If you can find a car for the same price as those jeans, you go for it.

Sue: Hey, Mom. Have you seen my new jeans? I thought it would be cool to have a fashion show. Everyone can vote on which top I should wear with my jeans to the audition.
Frankie: I brought them in here to hand wash them but haven't gotten to it yet. [Brick walks in] Um, Brick?
Brick: Yeah?
Frankie: Missing anything?
Brick: I miss Grandma.
Frankie: Anything that goes "woof"?
Brick: On it.

Frankie: [v.o.] There was no way around it. I was gonna have to tell Sue the truth... that a burglar broke in and stole only her jeans.