Frankie: [v.o.] Some days are just like any other day.
Frankie: Okay. Commercial. Let's hear about everybody's day. I'll go first. I went to work, filled my purse with doughnuts, didn't sell a car, came home.
Brick: There's doughnuts?
Frankie: Sorry. I hit a lot of red lights on the way back. All right, next.
Sue: I didn't make the chess team. Turns out it's nothing like checkers.
Brick: I finally sneezed this eraser out of my nose.
Frankie: Ew.
Axl: I did stuff. Whatever.
Mike: I found a dinosaur bone.
Frankie: What?
Frankie: [v.o.] Then again, some days really surprise you.

Mike: Yeah, I was in the south end of the quarry. All of a sudden, I looked down, and there's this gnarled claw-bone thing.
Sue: Awesome.
Brick: Cool.
Axl: That's not lame.
Mike: Yeah. So I figured I'll call someone from the community college, have them come pick it up.
Frankie: What? You're gonna let them take credit for your discovery? Mike, this is a big deal.
Sue: Dad, you should call the Orson Herald. Maybe they'll put your picture in the paper.
Mike: Oh, they don't want my picture.
Sue: Well, they did that whole article on the guy who found the chicken nugget shaped like Texas. I think you'll get in.

Frankie: Oh, you're home early. And you made dinner. What a nice surprise.
Mike: Yeah, well, it's really more of a bad surprise.
Axl: Oh, you forgot ketchup. Oh, this sucks.
Mike: I'm out of a job.
Frankie: What?
Axl: Wait. [chuckles] Found it. It was under the French fries. [whistles]

Frankie: Oh, my God, Mike. We're screwed.
Mike: Oh, yeah. I would not wanna be us right now. Well, at least things are picking up at the dealership.
Frankie: That's just something I say when the kids are in the room. We can't afford you being out of work right now. What are you gonna do?
Mike: Well, I thought I might travel a little bit, bike around Europe. What do you think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna find another job. I got a lot of skills. I'm not worried.
Frankie: Okay. Then I'm not either.

Frankie: Brick, every time you sign up for something, I end up doing it.
Brick: That's not true.
[flashback:]
Brick: Mom, I entered the science fair.
[Frankie adds baking soda to a bowl filled with distilled vinegar while Brick reads]
[flashback:]
Brick: We're having a party for Mr. Peterson's retirement. I signed up to write him a song.
Frankie: [sings] Mr. Peterson, you were really fun We're gonna miss you a ton Mr. Peterson Whoa, whoa, whoa...
[present:]
Brick: You won't have to do a thing this time. I promise. All I need is your signature. Or I could have Axl do your signature. He's really good at it.

Frankie: [v.o.] And so Mike was officially on the job hunt. And he did look pretty snazzy in his funeral blazer.
Mike: Is this the line just to get in? Wow, lot of people looking for jobs.
Axl: This is lame. I'm the only one here under 100.
Mike: Hey, where's your résumés? How do you expect to get any interviews?
Axl: Dude, I'm on an interview right now with a guy from the movie theater. You wanna see a picture of his dog puking?
Jim: [sees Mike] Oh, look, it's Indiana Bones. If you find anything on the ground, don't tell this guy.
Axl: My interview's going great. How do you spell "scrotum"?

Mike: This company's taking job applications online. I need your help.
Axl: Oh. You need a consult with the Ax Man, do you?
Mike: Yeah, I'm never calling you that. How do I get this onto that?
Axl: You save it as a PDF and upload it. [sighs] There.
Mike: That's it? Thanks. [Axl leaves] Axl.
Axl: What?
Mike: They need a e-mail address. I only have the one at work and that's down, so what's yours?
Axl: [email protected].

Mike: I got a interview.
Axl: Sweet.
Frankie: You got an interview?
Mike: Yes, I did. Honey, get me my tie.
Frankie: Okay. But what are we gonna yank to turn the basement light on?
Mike: Once I get this job, baby, I'm gonna get you the best light-bulb chain money can buy.
Frankie: Aw.

Frankie: [v.o.] So Brick forgot the fliers. Big surprise. I guess it's kind of my fault because I put them on top of his backpack instead of inside it. When will I learn? Oddly enough, whoever defaced the poster put more work into it than Brick did.
Megan: [laughs]
Frankie: Hey, pigtails. This your handiwork?
Megan: No, but it is pretty funny.
Frankie: You think it's funny, huh? I don't think it's funny. You know why? Because Brick's not a nerd. Doesn't make sense. Not a good joke. Unless it's ironic. Is that why you're laughing? Because of the extreme not-nerdiness of my son?
Megan: Are you a teacher?
Frankie: Oh, yeah. You wish I was a teacher. Your school laws don't apply to me. Megan. So I assume Brick can count on your vote for historian?
[Megan nods and runs away as the school bell rings. Frankie tears down Brick's defaced poster.]
Frankie: [v.o.] Oh, yeah, I'm in this thing now.

Sue: Mom, I found some more markers in the basement. I couldn't find any clean poster board, so I brought my old ones. We can use the other side.
[Sue holds up a poster reading "Sue-pendous" with a drawing of her and picture of her head stuck on]
Sue: I put so much work into these. Vicki Hanson grows boobs, and it's all over. I was robbed.
Man: [over PA] Frankie. Do you want a glitter border, or is that too much?
Frankie: I think that's too much.
Man: [sighs] I'm gonna need a new poster.
Sue: Mom, if I've learned anything from my 17 non-winning campaigns, the poster can only get you so far.
It's really all about the speech.