‘The Hose’
Season 4, Episode 5 - Aired October 17, 2012
Frankie gets on the wrong side of her neighbor, Rita Glossner (Brooke Shields), when she is accused of stealing the Glossners' hose. When Sue takes a peek at Mike's paycheck, she is shocked at how little the family is earning. Meanwhile, Brick wants to avoid learning about the birds and bees in school, so Axl fills in him on all he needs to know.
Quote from Axl
Frankie: [v.o.] Mike wanted to call the cops, but I knew that'd only make things worse. So the next day, I asked Axl to keep an eye on the house a job he took surprisingly seriously.
Brick: Okay. I checked the whole neighborhood, but this is all the poop I could find.
Axl: I was hoping for more ammo, but that'll do.
Brick: Water balloon?
Axl: It's not water. [laughs] You know.
Quote from Axl
Sue: I just feel so bad for them. They must be so worried all the time.
Brick: That's probably why they're so cranky.
Sue: Right. These might not even be their real personalities. They could be lovely people. We don't know. Oh, I just wish I'd never looked at that stupid paycheck.
Axl: Stop whining. It's about time you joined the real world. Welcome to adulthood. Now arm yourselves with a poop bomb and get ready to throw.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: Take these outside. The boys are eating in the bunker tonight.
Mike: Frankie...
Frankie: Well, we can't just abandon it. It's almost dark. That's prime Glossner time.
Mike: Our kids are living in an old picnic table. Even for us, that's weird.
Quote from Frankie
Mike: Morning.
Frankie: [covers mouth with coffee mug] Morning.
Mike: Is there coffee?
Frankie: Yep.
Mike: Somethin' wrong?
Frankie: [covers mouth with hand] Okay, if I tell you, you have to promise not to get mad.
Mike: I can't make that promise.
Quote from Mike
Frankie: You get paid every two weeks.
Mike: Yeah. But just like that autographed Justin Bieber hat we got her, she doesn't need to know.
Frankie: [Southern accent] It's a mighty fine thing you done.
Mike: Go get that fixed.
Frankie: [normal voice] On my way.
Quote from Frankie
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep. You start going off on a walk, and you never know where it'll lead. If I hadn't gone for a walk that day, I wouldn't have chipped my tooth, which sent me to the dentist's office, where I learned the girl that put the squirty thing in my mouth is well paid and gets to wear comfy shoes all day... which led me to finally settle on my new career dental assistant. 'Cause believe me, if there's one thing I've learned, teeth are important.
Rita Glossner: Another beer?
Frankie: Sure.
Rita Glossner: Then run over to your house and get us some. I'll keep an eye on your kids.