Mike: That's enough. You're not changing your name. You're Sue. That's your name. We put a lot of thought into it.
Sue: But Ms. Marsh said I could be whoever I want.
Frankie: Who's Ms. Marsh?
Axl: The guidance counselor? I'll give you some guidance. Don't go to the guidance counselor. It's lame.
Sue: After talking with her, I honestly believe anything is possible.
Frankie: Okay, fine. If you really want us to call you "Suki"... Then that's what we'll do, Suki. [whispers to Mike] It's a phase.

Sue: Now, as you may remember, Sue is left-handed, but Suki is right-handed... [Sue's sandwich falls apart as she tries to lift it with her right hand] And Suki wears her hair parted on the side. Also, Suki is never without a pen behind her ear, because Suki loves to write down all the interesting things that happen to her throughout the day, mm-hmm, with her right hand.
Mike: Hmm. You know what else Suki does? Passes the damn chips.
Sue: Glad-lay. That's how Suki says "gladly."

Sue: You know what the other cool thing is about Suki? She doesn't sweat the small stuff like Sue.
Frankie: [v.o.] And then I decided to take a tip from Suki, and suddenly none of this madness seemed important, 'cause I knew that in just a few short hours, I'd be relaxing in the comfort of my new sanctuary.
[cut to Frankie and Mike sitting on the floor of their bedroom surrounded the unassembled bed parts:]
Mike: Don't.

Frankie: [v.o.] So after a couple nights stuck bunking with Sue - Sorry, Suki - I was antsy for Mike to finish our sanctuary.
Mike: Damn it. There's no way that this goes into this!
Frankie: Please can we just call the 800 number?
Mike: We're not doing that.
Frankie: Why not? There are friendly customer representatives standing by to help us right now. It says so right here.
Mike: I know how to put a bed together.
Frankie: Well, it's been two days. Apparently, you don't.
Mike: We're not calling. End of story.

Axl: What are you so worried about? It's a pull-up.
Brick: Axl, what you and the President fail to understand is that everyone's gonna laugh at me.
Axl: Dude, you can do it. You weigh, like, 3 pounds. It's all physics. Here. Watch and learn. Think people are gonna laugh at you when you do this?
[As Axl grabs the top of the door and pulls himself up, the door slams shut and traps his fingers]
Axl: Ow! Ow! Oh, God! No! Open the door! Open the door! Brick! Brick! Aah!

Man: [over PA] Attention, students. There has been a reported case of Suki at our school. For precautionary measures, all students are advised to wash their hands thoroughly and not to share food. Thank you.

Frankie: [v.o.] I didn't say there were only three fights, just three classic ones. There are lots of lots of other fights, and now that the box was open, Mike and I were gonna have them all.

Ms. Lambert: I'm sorry, but the teacher's lounge is for faculty only.
Jane Marsh: I am faculty.
Ms. Lambert: I don't think so.
Senora Porter: Oh, are you that new driver's ed teacher?
Jane Marsh: I'm Jane Marsh, guidance counselor.
Ms. Lambert: Oh, we have one of those?
Jane Marsh: Yes, we do. I bring lemon bars every Monday morning, and I put them right there with a little note that says to everyone, "Have a good week."
Ms. Lambert: No, I'm pretty sure Barbara makes the lemon bars. Doesn't Barbara bring the lemon bars?
Mr. Farrar: Yeah, that's Barbara.