Frankie: Come on. It's gonna be at a hotel, all the expenses are paid. And besides, won't it be good for you to get out of your normal routine and watch TV in a different location?
Mike: That has always been the dream.
Frankie: Listen, I'm gonna be at seminars all day, so you'll have the place to yourself.
Mike: So, just to be clear, I don't have to go to any dentist stuff or talk to anybody or do anything?
Frankie: No, Boo Radley, you can just shutter yourself in the room.
Mike: Okay. I'm in.

Sue: Hey, Mom, can I take this old bedspread back to school? I was thinking I could turn my extra bed into, like, a fun study-lounge area. You know, put some Lemonheads on an end table. Maybe I can lure people in.
Axl: Wait, hold on. This is perfect. Why didn't I think of this before? Sue's just sitting there with an empty bed. I need a bed. You guys are driving me nuts. Ha ha! I'll just crash with Sue. Forward my mail. That's a thing, right?
Sue: What? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Mom, Dad, you cannot let this happen. I don't even know if it's legal. What if I get written up again? Dad?
Mike: You got an empty bed and we got an empty fridge. I got to go with Axl on this one.
Sue: Mom?
Frankie: I'm sorry, honey. We just really need him not to be here.
Axl: Don't fight it, Sue. It's happening.

Frankie: [gasps] Wow!
Mike: Yeah, wow. Look at that TV. Betcha that's a 46-incher.
Frankie: Oh, my God, this bathroom! Look! They have a square showerhead. Oh! There's a little soap for the sink and a little soap for the tub. You don't have to carry it back and forth. But let's do that anyway so we can take one home.
Mike: Hey, look. You barely touch "channel" and it changes, and the button doesn't stick inside the remote where you got to get a fork and dig it out.
Frankie: Hey, you want a tiny can of Pringles and the cutest vodka I've ever seen? Courtesy of Smile Superstars International.
Mike: Hit me, baby.
Frankie: Whoo-hoo! Oh, my gosh. Look how easily these slide. They have a safe. They think we have stuff.
Mike: Hm.
Frankie: All right, I got to go down to orientation. I'm gonna see if I can sign in and duck out, so hands off the Snickers and gin.

Frankie: So, while we were gone, we got the best babysitter we could find. But she wanted 10 bucks an hour, so we went with free.
Big Mike: Hey there, Brick. I found this out by the curb. I'm guessing someone threw it out 'cause it's busted.
Brick: That was Mom. She ruined it sucking up rotted lettuce out of the fridge.
Big Mike: Oh, well, we'll get her fixed up.
Brick: I'm sorry you had to come all the way over, Grandpa Big Mike. I told Mom and Dad I could take care of myself.
Big Mike: Oh, now, you may think you can, but you need somebody to look after you. Remember, the bird that leaves the nest too early ends up on drugs in Indianapolis. So, who's ready to have a little fun with his grandpa?
[later, Brick watches TV while Big Mike snores on the couch]

Brick: Hey, Grandpa Big Mike.
Big Mike: [wakes up] Um, I was just resting my eyes and... What... What's this?
Brick: It's 9:00. I was getting kind of hungry, so I went to the store and did a little grocery shopping. I made us scrambled eggs. [whispers] Scrambled.
Big Mike: I'm not sure about this, Brick. I've never been too crazy about yellow food.
Brick: They're good for you. Just try one bite. [Big Mike looks unsure] One bite.
Big Mike: That's not bad... For a food that's yellow.
Brick: If you eat it all, you'll get dessert.
Big Mike: You know, I've never been crazy about plain water. You got any juice?

Sue: Oh, my god. I can't believe I'm missing a test. This is a disaster. Me, a test misser? Axl, you're not listening to me! I am missing a test, and it is all your fault!
Axl: [wakes up] My fault? What are you talking about? I threw a party in your room, and you loved it.
Sue: I did. I did love it. I was partying like John Mayer last night! I don't know what I was thinking. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There's 20 minutes left of class. If I wade through the fountain, I can shave off 30 seconds.
Axl: Sue, you are not thinking clearly. You cannot take a two-hour test in 20 minutes.
Sue: Right. Maybe I can ask for some extra credit, or Mom can e-mail the professor and explain to him that I made a mistake.
Axl: Sue! This is not high school. They don't care. Look, just give me 10 minutes and I can teach you how to get out of this. Congratulations. You've just been accepted to the University of Axl.

Sue: I don't know! I don't know! Okay, Axl, just tell me what to do. Please! Please!
Axl: I can't do that, Sue. You got to come up with your own special lie so when you say it, you believe it.
Sue: Okay. Okay. I'll say I-I was outside Sudfeld Hall when I saw a man collapse.
Axl: Good. Man collapse. I like it. Go on.
Sue: And... And he was scared. A-and he wanted me to comfort him, and... and sing him a song.
Axl: [imitates buzzer] Lose the song. You might be required to sing it.
Sue: Right, right, right, right. Then he looked into my eyes and he eked out, "Don't leave me, please!" And I didn't 'cause I wouldn't. I really wouldn't. So, I waited until the paramedics came, a-and then I ran all the way here 'cause I really want to take this test.
Axl: Nicely done, Sue. I like this lie for you. It's fresh. It's original. It's very you. You got this.

Frankie: Hi, Dr. Samuelson? I'm Frankie Heck from the new Orson clinic.
Dr. Sommer Samuelson: Of course you are.
Frankie: Anyway, I think there's been a misunderstanding. Not that I'm accusing anyone, but I'm not sure it was 100% clear that all expenses were paid.
Dr. Sommer Samuelson: Oh, it's very clear. The convention and your room is completely paid for.
Frankie: Okay, see, I think that's the misunderstanding. Again, not accusing anyone... it was Dr. Goodwin... But some people's expenses were not just the room and convention. [hands over bill]
Dr. Sommer Samuelson: Wow. You guys really had fun.
Frankie: Yeah, we did. We really did. [chuckles] But since this is my husband's and my first time with all expenses paid, we were hoping that you could, just this once, fold the bill into all your other expenses. Just fold it in.
Dr. Sommer Samuelson: You've been with this company for all of 48 hours and you're asking me to pay your $674 bill?
Frankie: Maybe.
Dr. Sommer Samuelson: Wow. That's the exact kind of moxie we're looking for. Picturing the impossible and thinking you can make it happen. In this case, you can't. But don't lose that fire.
Frankie: So, you're not going to pay for it?
Dr. Sommer Samuelson: No way. Selfie?
Frankie: Sure. [both smile]

Brick: [answers phone] Hello? Cindy, I told you not to call at this hour. I just put him down for his nap. No, you know I can't go out for ice cream. Who would watch Grandpa Big Mike? Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I've got a million things to do. He left all his stuff on the living room floor. All I want to do is finish picking up, pour myself a glass of juice, and decompress. Boy, they're a lot of work at this age. It's a good thing grandpas are cute.

Frankie: What's this for?
Dr. Goodwin: Oh, that's your vision journal. You know, for writing down your thoughts and feelings, any ideas to make the company better.
Frankie: What a load of...
Man: [v.o.] And now the moment you've all been waiting for, Dr. Sommer Samuelson!
Dr. Sommer Samuelson: Thank you! Thank you all for coming, and welcome to the Smile Superstars bi-annual meeting and educational workshops. I think you'll find it informative, inspiring, and most of all... Fun! [music plays]