Frankie: [v.o.] When you have kids, getting anywhere in the car can be a challenge. A million things can slow you down. Somebody might forget their shoes. Somebody might have to go to the bathroom.
Frankie: You do know Brick is the car, right? [kids groan]
Frankie: [v.o.] Or somebody might have an irrational fear of going over the Shady Lake bridge.
Frankie: Damn it. The half-price all-you-can-eat tater bar is only open for another 15 minutes. Go, go!
Mike: We can make it. We can make it.

Bob: Hey, Axl. Hear about Jack Webber? No more flip-flops for him, huh?
Axl: Yeah. Bob, don't you already have, like, three jobs?
Bob: Well, raising carrier pigeons is an expensive hobby. So how's it lookin'? Think we got a shot?

Frankie: [v.o.] Safe to say Axl was feeling pretty good about his competition, until...
Sean: Oh, hey. Check out the Ax-man, wantin' to guard the lifes.
Axl: Sean. What are you doing here?
Sean: Same as you, bro.
Frankie: [v.o.] And then Axl heard the worst thing a Donahue could say to a Heck.
Sean: May the best man win.

Frankie: [v.o.] Mike was right. Brick was holding us hostage, and who knows? Maybe if we didn't make a big deal out of it, our car could just sail over that bridge with no problem at all. [a car drives over the bridge] Yeah, that wasn't our car.
Brick: [screams] Aah! Bridge!

Axl: Hey! Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to study for my lifeguard test. I got first aid, C.P.R. I'm practically gonna be a doctor after this.
Frankie: Oh. A lot of guys going out for it?
Axl: No. Some... and Sean.
Mike: You didn't quit your job at the theater, did you?
Axl: Oh, what, you don't think I can beat Sean?
Mike: Nope. I really don't.
Frankie: No, it's not that we don't think you can do it. It's just that Sean... is a Donahue.
Axl: Which is why I've been at this for 30 whole minutes.

Frankie: So you really think you could do a better job with Brick than I did?
Mike: Well, you set the bar pretty high with total failure, but now it's time for some results.

Frankie: Wow. Can you believe it? Axl got the job. Sue conquered bathing suit shopping. Brick learned to trust his instincts.
Mike: We are kicking some parenting butt!
Frankie: Mm. We should write a book.
Mike: We should. Spread the word.

Nancy: Listen, I saw Mike and Brick up at Shady Lake Bridge. Were you able to get him to go over?
Frankie: No, we decided to give up.
Nancy: Give up?
Frankie: Well, not give up... because we won. It's just about trusting his instincts. Don't want to give too much away, 'cause there might be a book. You know, we'll try again when he's 12.
Nancy: Oh, 12? So he'll be in junior high. You know, there is that footbridge at the entrance to the school. Do you think that'll be a problem?

Frankie: [v.o.] Axl conquered his fear of going up against a Donahue...
Sean: [with two girls in swim suits] Hey, man. Congrats. The best man won.
Axl: Thanks, dude.
Sean: Yeah. We're gonna bail. Too many little kids here. We're going to the lake.
Boy: Excuse me, lifeguard. My little brother had an accident in the pool.
Axl: Is he hurt?
Boy: It's not that kind of accident.

Frankie: [v.o.] So Brick didn't conquer his fear that day, but Sue did. She conquered the greatest fear known to woman... Being seen in public in a two-piece.
Girl: Oh, that's such a cute suit. Pink looks good on you.